


I Love You Enough to Set You Free

by carolelained



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 20:15:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 44,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15565587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolelained/pseuds/carolelained
Summary: The past catches Alex up with a vengeance, can he survive or has all become too much for the assassin?





	I Love You Enough to Set You Free

                                           I love You Enough to Set You Free

                                                     By CarolelaineD

Normally I despised shitty dark warehouses, I could never understand why Spender always chose places like this to meet informants. Today however I felt really good, well as good as it could possibly get in my line of work that is.

For once that cancerous bastard was actually giving me some decent jobs, even so I knew that could change within seconds if I pissed Spender off. I was paying no attention at all to my surroundings, however it was then that I suddenly heard his voice.

“Freeze Krycek.”

I turned around to face the man that had become a big part of my life, granted Fox Mulder wasn’t exactly where I wanted him to be though.

“No chance Mulder, shit do you just spend your days following me around…”

“Don’t flatter yourself Krycek.”

“And there I was thinking I was someone special!”

“Alex can you just shut the hell up for once?”

“Hey you called me Alex, it’s just like the good old days again Fox.”

I knew that I was baiting Mulder, yet I’d always had a pleasure kick from doing it. Maybe I was just a perverted son of a bitch, I guess I always got off every time he laid his hands on me.

“I swear that you’re dead Krycek.”

“Yeah well you have to catch me first Mulder, you can think again if you think I’ll just stand here and let you arrest me.”

With that I took off running, I knew that Spender would kill me if I lost the information I’d received. I pushed the tape deep into my jeans pocket, at least that way it was safe and I wouldn’t accidently drop it.

I’d just have to hope that the heat slowed Mulder down somewhat, otherwise I’d be fucked and caught in no time at all. I actually thought I was doing rather well for a change, well that was until Mulder full on crashed into me. I found myself face down on the hard ground, Mulder was knelt over me and pinning me there so escape was out of the question.

“One day you’ll push me too far Krycek, maybe I’ll put a bullet in that pretty head of yours…”

“You haven’t got the balls to do it Mulder!”

Shit that was when he removed the safety from his gun, he then pointed the gun right against my temple.

“Is that what you really believe Alex?”

I closed my eyes as my breathing started to become irregular, I couldn’t decide if it was the gun or Mulder sat over me. I’d just started to think my day couldn’t get any worse, suddenly Mulder rolled me onto my back and re took up his position over me.

“Mulder get the fuck off me!”

“Anyone would think you don’t like me Alex…”

Great the bastard knew exactly what effect he was having on me right now; the trouble was that he could use it against me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Jesus why did Krycek always have to play games with me, well maybe it was time I brought him down a peg or two.

“I said lay still, I need to search you before I let you get up.”

“Just hurry the fuck up then.”

“You’re rather impatient, was there somewhere that you had to be?”

“No, look I’ll make it easy for you Mulder.”

“Hell, that’ll be a first.”

“Look you don’t need to waste time searching me, I’m only carrying my gun.”

I pulled his jacket back and removed his gun, I then soon emptied the clip out too. I was then surprised by my own actions afterwards, I gave Krycek his gun back and then pocketed all the bullets. He had to lay there humiliated with his head turned the other way, I made a point of going through every single pocket in his jacket.

“What about your jeans?”

“I’ve got nothing in there Mulder.”

“Well I’d swear that I felt something hard, also I don’t trust a word you say.”

“I swear I’m going to kill you Mulder.”

“Just shut the fuck up.”

Alex soon became silent as I back handed him, it always has to end with me making him bleed. I ran my hands up and down his long lean legs, suddenly it hit me what the hard object was that I’d felt. Shit I must be more tired than I even realized, especially if I could miss something like that!

“Shit are you getting turned on by this? I take it that you like it rough Alex!”

I watched as he closed his eyes and tried to block me out, that was also when that little line appeared above his nose.

“You not talking to me Alex, cat got your tongue or something…”

“Just fuck off Mulder.”

I just watched fascinated as the blood ran down from his lip, I also couldn’t help but notice that he was still gorgeous. I just had to remind myself of the man he’d become, he could be deadly if I lowered my guard at all around him.

I reached forward and wiped the blood from his swollen lip, okay maybe my thumb lingered there a bit too long. It was then I suddenly remembered what I was doing, well it wasn’t hard when I had his cock throbbing against my thigh.

“Is it just me Krycek? No, I bet you get it up for anyone that touches you. Hell, maybe that’s your real job with the consortium, are you their whore Alex? I bet you take it up the ass for anyone who offers, including all those dirty old men.

I felt Alex violently react beneath me, within seconds he managed to push me off and onto my backside.

“Does the truth hurt Alex?”

“I don’t bend over for anyone Mulder, not even you.”

“Aw did I hurt your feelings, sorry I didn’t think a consortium whore would have any!”

I watched as Alex got to his feet and stood, well at least I was thankful he had an unloaded gun now.

XXXXXXXXXX

Sometimes Mulder could be an immature prick, all I wanted to do now was get away before he resumed the search and found the tape.

“I’m leaving Mulder, the only way you’ll get me to stay is to put a bullet in my head.”

“Is it a wise idea turning your back on me Alex?”

“It’s a chance I’m willing to take.”

“You’re a really good-looking man Alex, do you know that?”

“Don’t try and stall me Mulder, believe me I know what your game is.”

“Yeah well it’s a shame you’re a murdering lying son of a bitch.”

“You know me so well Mulder…”

“You’re a smug bastard, I swear I’ll shoot you one day.”

I turned away and just started walking, I felt as nervous as hell when Mulder cocked his gun. I knew there was no way I could look back, shit all I had to do was keep walking and hopefully I’d survive.

By the time I reached my car I was a complete mess, my nerves where totally on edge and I wanted a stiff drink more than anything else. I drove to see Spender before anything else, I wanted rid of the tape before something happened to it or it was found.

I found Spender in his smoke-filled room as usual, the door was open but I still knocked and waited there.

“Alex dear boy come on in, I take it you have what I want?”

“Yeah I’ve got it.”

I handed the tape to Spender and then stood there, all I truly wanted was to be as far away from him as possible.

“Did you run into some trouble Alex?”

“Sorry I….”

“Your mouth, what happened to it?”

“That would be a certain G man, goes by the name of Mulder.”

“What he followed you?”

“Yeah but I handled him.”

“Just as long as you never injured him in any way…”

“No, don’t worry saint Mulder’s fine.”

“Is that resentment I hear Alex.”

“Look do you need me for anything else today?”

“No, you’ve done well and can leave now Alex.”

I’d just turned to walk away as he spoke again, the smell of smoke was starting to make me feel sick and I had to get away.

“Oh, and Alex…”

“What now?”

“Stay well away from Agent Mulder.”

“Believe me I’ve no intention of going anywhere near him, I’m not quite suicidal yet.”

I left Spenders office and drove to the nearest bar, I planned to get drunk and take care of a few personal matters.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe that I’d let Krycek get the better of me like that, shit I knew that I’d really have to get laid soon before I fucked anyone passing. I’d swear that Alex knew the effect he had on me, maybe that had been his plan right from day one.

I bet it was go and partner Agent Mulder, seduce him and then screw him over. I hated the volatile feelings inside me after I’d seen Alex, maybe it was just my own loneliness that made me feel this way around him.

I got up and brushed my pants off, shit this place was cold and filthy inside too. The warehouse also appeared gloomy, maybe it was the thought of the other rats that lurked nearby. Shit I had to get out of here, I also had to stop thinking about Alex Krycek.

I was just thankful no one knew I’d come out here, I’d had an anonymous tip that Krycek would be at the warehouse today. As usual I’d never bothered informing Scully or even Skinner, I guess they were no fun and moaned at me all the time.

That was one of the things I’d always resented Alex for, he walked around doing as he pleased. I decided the best thing I could do right now was just head towards home, it wasn’t like I’d even managed to get anything from Krycek either.

If he had information it was well and truly hidden, I arrived home and for some reason it felt no better than the warehouse had. I had to admit that at times like this I felt more alone than ever, a few drinks and a good video and I’d be good to go for another few months at least.

First, I decided on a long hot shower, all I wanted was to get rid of the grime and filth from today. Finally, I grabbed a bottle of vodka and settled down for the evening, I think my couch was like a security blanket and I always felt safe here.

I popped a video in the player, a few drinks and I’d jerk off to whatever was on the screen at the time. It never worked the way I planned though, all my thoughts went back to Alex Krycek.

It was him that I imagined seeing on the video I watched, him making out with whatever man was in front of him. I closed my eyes and imagined that it was me that he was with, I had him currently bent over the couch as I fucked him senseless. In my fantasy it was my name that he screamed out, that pushed me over the edge and I came all over my hand. I decided to be good and go get a cloth, I didn’t really relish the idea of leaving it till morning.

It was as I passed my door I noticed the envelope, well I knew it hadn’t been there a couple of hours ago when I’d arrived home. I opened it up and pulled out a single polaroid photo, a far more graphic photo than I’d expected

XXXXXXXXXX

I knocked the vodka back like it was water, I wanted to be drunk and punished. It was like everything I did in life went wrong, I was always quick to blame myself for everything too.

Once I was well and truly drunk I left the bar, I then headed towards the one place I knew would give me what I want. It was actually an S and M club, yet it wasn’t a master I was looking for or even the sex that made me go there.

Plain and simple, I wanted to be punished and nothing more. A simple beating to right all the wrongs I’d done, hell if only it were that easy. I knew deep down I was just a fucked-up mess, I also knew that each day that passed I became worse.

I guess that was why it never bothered me when Mulder beat me, all he was doing was full filling my dark needs. I soon found one of the regulars that worked at the club, he knew what I wanted and was always capable of delivering.

Some of the staff wouldn’t touch you if you arrived there drunk, also the club was normally booked up months in advance. I guess they didn’t want you suing them later and blaming it on the drink, it was a very clean elite club with rules for a reason.

I walked up to the man I knew was called Dan, he’d seen me coming and was stood there with his arms held out.

“Is it the usual Alex?”

“Yeah, are you free now?”

“Go in room three and strip, I’ll be with you in a few minutes.”

“Yeah okay.”

I went and did as he asked, soon I was stood there just waiting in my birthday suit, at least I didn’t have to wait long for Dan to enter the room. My hands were attached to chains that hung from the ceiling, Dan then made sure they were then cuffed together.

So here I now was hung in the middle of the room and naked, it was then that Dan also gagged and blindfolded me. Ten times I would feel that whip hit my back and ass, always hard too as I wanted it to be.

Punishment was the only constant in my entire life, hell it was a way of life since I was a really small boy. I took every single hit without moaning, all I wanted was to feel clean and be free of all my sins.

Once it was all over Dan would leave me alone for ten minutes, it was just so I could get myself together before I had to leave here. I heard him leave the room and the door close behind him, now it was just me and all my own thoughts.

I gathered that he’d forgot something, I heard the door open and someone come in quietly. I could have sworn I’d heard something like the click of a camera, I guess I could just blame that on my overactive mind.

XXXXXXXXXX

I had no idea who’d want me a photo like that, also why the hell would I care what Krycek got up to in his spare time. All it did was prove that the man really did have a thing for pain, apparently not just from me either.

I had to admit that the man truly turned me on, also I was a man who had needs too. So, no one could blame me for staring at the photo, yet I couldn’t help but notice Alex didn’t even look turned on.

God I could be so fuckin dense at times, especially when I was thinking with another part of my anatomy. Shit I’d jumped to the S and M straight away, shit what if it wasn’t that simple. Maybe someone was holding Alex against his will, torturing him because of what he’d done.

Fuck it, perhaps he deserved whatever he received anyway. Alex Krycek was not my problem or concern, I had to just keep on telling myself that.

When morning came so did the hangover, also just to top it off the guilt came with a vengeance too. I knew I’d been stupid to drink on a work night, however maybe a couple of pills would do the job.

My mind kept on going back to that photo, eventually I uploaded it onto my computer. It didn’t take much to copy it, I then edited it so that Alex wasn’t in the picture anymore.

Once done I sent the image to the gunmen asking for their help, I was hoping they had an idea where the photo was taken. I placed the original photo in my desk draw, I knew it was time I left or suffer the wrath of Scully and her shouting.

Well as luck would have it work was quiet for a change, I’d also noticed that Scully was spending an awful lot of time on her phone. Maybe she’d gone and got herself a boyfriend, yet I seriously doubted it by the expressions on her face.

“Scully are you okay?”

“I’m needed over at Quantico, an autopsy and no one’s there to do it.”

“Fine you go ahead then.”

What will you do with yourself Mulder?”

“I’ll find something Scully, I always do.”

“Yeah that’s what worries me.”

“Hey I’m a big boy Scully, even I can behave alone for a few hours.”

I waited until Scully had gone, only then did I sit at my desk and log on to my emails. I was rather impressed to see I had a reply from the gunmen. I opened it hoping it was good news, well it turned out that it might just be.

XXXXXXXXXX

I dragged my sorry ass back home, or should I say sore ass. I took the punishment and still felt like shit, great I guess it was the story of my sorry fucked up existence. My apartment was just a place to sleep and nothing more, I guess I spent way too much time alone at work and at home.

I sat down on my couch thinking how lonely and pathetic I am, shit then I jumped up when I realized it made my ass hurt even more than before. Maybe I should just go to bed and call it a day, first I decided on a long soothing shower and soothe my aching body.

The water felt good and I tried to forget about everything in life, I even managed to forget about Mulder too. I guess it was up to me to pull myself together, so many people out there and not one that gave a shit about me.

Great, as soon as I lay down images of Mulder popped into my head. So much for forgetting about everything and everyone, yet I could never help myself when it came to Fox Mulder. I also couldn’t help myself either as my hand moved lower, maybe I could just pretend it’s Mulders mouth around my cock.

I knew that this was something I had to do for myself and relax, it was easy just thinking about the man giving me an amazing blow job. Hell, I couldn’t even remember the last time I came, but god it felt good to be so close and turned on.

It was then that the phone started ringing, I didn’t want to waste time answering it but it was putting me off. Maybe it was Mulder himself, yeah like he’d ever call someone like me. I reached out and grabbed hold of the phone with my spare hand, I had to admit that I was non-too happy about having to do it though.

“Hello…”

“Can I speak to Tom.”

“Shit you’ve got the wrong fuckin number!”

This was a fuckin joke, without even thinking I threw the phone against the wall and smashed it. Now I was more pissed off and frustrated than I was before, I had to get the hell out of this place before I went mad.

I dragged myself out of bed and managed to find some clean clothes, all I wanted was someone who I could talk to. I knew what I were planning was perhaps suicidal, yet the only person I wanted to talk with was Fox Mulder.

I went back into the kitchen and found the bottle of vodka, I then knocked back a few large gulps just to steady my nerves. Well I knew it was now or never, I’d just park around the corner and check his place out first.

I had no idea if Mulder was even home, well not that it mattered as his place felt more like a home than my own did right now. Twenty minutes and I was letting myself into his empty apartment, now all I had to do was wait for him to return.

XXXXXXXXXX

I read the email from Langley apparently, he’d also included some photos for me to check out too. Well it would appear I was right after all and it was a slaves and masters club, quiet an elite one too judging by the photos.

Apparently, it catered for the more discerning customers, the ones who were willing to pay a lot of money to get what they wanted. Now I had to wonder if it was above the pay grade of a consortium lacky, shit then that left me wondering once more if he were there willingly.

Well I was here all alone without Scully, maybe it was time I took a little field trip. As I drove up I realized just how luxurious the place was, shit and to think that was just the outside. At first I was denied entry, apparently only members were allowed inside.

I started waving my badge around, amazing how they let you in just to shut you up. I had claimed that it was official business, I wanted answers or I’d cause the club a shit load of trouble.

The owner came and asked me what it was all about, after I showed him the photo he informed me the room was used by a man named Dan. He led me to a room, straight away I could see it was the same room as in the photo. I stood in the doorway while he whispered something to the man named Dan, most likely telling him to hurry up and get rid of me.

“Agent Mulder I’m Dan, how may I be of help?”

I pulled out a photo and held it up, I could tell by his face he recognized the man straight away.

“I need to know if this man is a customer here?”

“I can’t give out information like that…”

“Look you talk or I’m arresting you for kidnaping.”

“Shit are you serious!”

“Very, now what’s it to be?”

“Fine, he’s not actually a member and comes here of his own free will.”

“How can he do that if he’s not a member?”

“Look it’s a long story okay, I met Alex a long time ago and tried to help him. He only ever comes here to see me as he trusts me, also it’s not what you think either.”

“How would you know what I’m thinking?”

“Agent Mulder it’s an S and M club, my guess is that you think he comes here for sex.”

“Gee I wonder what would make you think that…”

“Look with him it’s anything but sexual, Alex only comes here to be punished. He’s a very troubled young man in so many ways, when we first met I felt sorry for him.”

“So, does he pay you for the punishment?”

“No, he’s here as my guest, I’m allowed to have someone here once a week and its above board with the owner.”

“Okay I’m sure it is, but can you just tell me who took the photo of him while here?”

I watched as he took another look at the photo, he also seemed rather concerned by it too.

“I’d say the photo was taken after the punishment judging by his face, yet no one has the right to be in there other than me. Alex has a cooling down period where he’s left alone, very few people would even have access to the room.”

“Can you name any of them?”

“No, I’m sorry.”

“Somehow I thought that might be your answer.”

“Look all I can tell you is that it would have to be staff, the door is locked when I leave and only employees would be able to enter.”

“Right okay, thanks for your time Dan.”

Today was really starting to piss me off now, I was becoming really tired and fed up with it all. I decided that it was time to call it a day and go home as no one would miss me, however I still hadn’t a clue who’d given me the photo or why.

It had to be someone who wanted me to see Alex at his lowest, not that it really mattered to me though. Alex Krycek was a pain in the ass, from day one he’d given me nothing but grief. God damn why did the man have to be so fucking gorgeous, maybe I shouldn’t be thinking of him as a pain in the ass.

I walked into my apartment and knew I wasn’t alone, shit it was then that I saw Krycek just stood there watching me. It was an instant reaction; the man had always made me want to punch him.

XXXXXXXXXX

Fuck the bastard went and punched me yet again, it was that hard and Mulder managed to knock me to the floor. I knew I was pathetic and didn’t even have the strength to get up, in all honesty I was struggling to hold back the tears.

“What the fuck do you want from me Krycek? Just stop lurking around me before I have you arrested…”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you Mulder!”

“How about you try me, you never know it might be your lucky day Krycek,”

I looked at Mulder and was suddenly unable to speak, I felt like a small naughty child in front of his father.

“Last chance Krycek, talk or I’ll arrest you right now.”

I couldn’t stop the tears that fell down my cheeks, shit I was just embarrassing myself in front of the one person I said I never would.

“Krycek are you even listening to me?”

“All I ever wanted was a friend Mulder, there now you know how pathetic I really am!”

Suddenly he let go of my jacket and stepped back, I was totally unable to read the expression on his gorgeous face either.

“Shit you’re serious aren’t you?”

“See I knew that you wouldn’t believe me…”

“What, you expect me to be your friend after all you’ve done?”

“Go on laugh Mulder, hell you can’t make me feel any worse than I already do.”

“Hey I’m not laughing, why would I when I have the murdering bastard wanting to be my friend! I guess you think that I should be flattered, I mean as you’re such a likeable person and all…”

“Look I answered you… just let me go Mulder.”

“Maybe I’m not in the mood to let you go.”

“Mulder please…”

“Shut the fuck up and get up, I want you sat over there on the couch.”

I guess as he had the gun I was left with very little choice, I pulled myself up from the floor and sat over on the couch. I also made sure I sat as far as possible from Mulder, I then placed my head down and looked at the carpet.

“Now I want you to remove all of your weapons, after that stand and put your hands out so I can cuff you.”

“Shit Mulder, come on I haven’t hit you or even threatened you!”

“Refuse then, I can always take you to the Hoover to pay Skinner a visit…”

I pulled out my gun and other items I carried, I then placed it all on the coffee table in front of Mulder.

“Very good, now put your hands out Krycek.”

I stood there and unwillingly held out my arms towards him, maybe I deserved this and to die at his hands. Once Mulder had the cuffs on he shoved me backwards, I soon found myself sat on the couch with nowhere to go.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shit all I could do was pace up and down in front of the man, in all honesty I felt lost. something here was really off with Krycek, this was a side of Alex Krycek that I’d never seen before and it fascinated me.

I knew that he’d done the upset act in the past, yet this was far different and looked so real from my point of view. Of course, it had crossed my thoughts that it was a game, get inside Mulders head and fuck with him until you destroy him.

Finally, I managed to stop pacing and went over to sit on the coffee table. I just sat there staring at the man in front of me, the very same man I’d once loved and trusted. Not that I’d tell him that, hell we could have been friends once upon a time.

“Mulder!”

“What?”

“Please say something, you’re really starting to creep me out here.”

“Hey it works two ways, I just don’t understand you or what you want from me…”

“Just let me go then, just forget that I ever said anything.”

“Too late for that Krycek, you know I have a memory that’ll never let me forget.”

“So, what now?”

“Maybe I’ll keep you here cuffed, push you and see if these emotions are real.”

I watched as Krycek swallowed, he then closed his eyes once more.

“Hey Krycek…”

“What?”

“Are those real tears I see?”

“Fuck off Mulder.”

“Hey that’s not nice, especially when you were the one who wanted to be friends…”

I watched as Krycek sat there and remained quiet, yet I could tell that the man was struggling to keep himself together. In all honesty this one man had always fascinated me, he was also the one person I could never profile either.

Now I had him here right in front of me and this was my chance, it wasn’t like anyone would miss the man.

“Krycek.”

“What now Mulder?”

“Do you have any family?”

“What’s it to you Mulder.”

“Hey I’m trying to understand that’s all!”

“Yeah well don’t bother…”

“Look I’m the one with the gun, you answer me Krycek or this all ends right here and right now!”

“Fine, no I have no fuckin family okay…”

“Well you must have parents out there?”

“Yeah Mulder I had parents, I’m not a fuckin clone or something made in a lab!”

“So, what happened to them?”

“They died years ago, car crash when I was only five years old.”

“Shit, I’m sorry.”

“Look I hardly remember them now, they died and I survived end of story. It should have been me too, at least that way I wouldn’t have to suffer all this shit.”

 

Great now he really couldn’t hold back the tears, I had Alex Krycek sat in my apartment sobbing like a fuckin baby.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew I had to get out of here and far away from Mulder, I hated him seeing me like this and was an idiot for coming here in the first place.

“Alex…”

“What?”

“Why all this and why now?”

“Mulder, I said just forget I was here!”

“Look I trusted you once Alex and was taken advantage of, how do I know the true extent of your acting skills?”

“Yeah, it’s all one big act, so now just fuckin let me leave here!”

Great now it was back to the silent treatment once more, Mulder was making me fall apart and I really couldn’t handle this right now. Maybe I could convince him it really was all an act, hopefully that way he’d hit me and throw me out.

“I don’t buy it now, hell Alex even you’re not that good of an actor anymore.”

“Gee thanks Mulder.”

“I just don’t understand why you chose me, shit you must have someone else out there Alex?”

God Mulder insisted on now calling me Alex all the time, the trouble was I couldn’t handle it in this state of mind.

“Yeah I guess I could have gone to Spender… Everything’s so easy for me isn’t it?”

“Alex you chose the life you have, don’t dare blame that on anyone else.”

“Yeah right! Like hell I had a fuckin choice…”

“How about you prove yourself to me, I’ll remove the cuffs and we can talk like adults.”

“Yeah okay.”

“Alex piss me off and I’ll shoot you, do I make myself clear?”

“Yeah, crystal clear Mulder.”

I sat there rather tense as Mulder removed the cuffs, at least I now had a better chance of escaping. First, I had to decide how much to tell Mulder, get him distracted and then get the hell out of here.

I knew I’d never be able to look back, also I’d perhaps never see Mulder again. Maybe it was for the best anyway, maybe I’d believe it if I kept telling myself that.

“Alex… Alex are you even listening to a single word I say?”

“Sorry I was miles away.”

“Yeah I bet you were planning your great escape, just remember I know you better than you think.”

“Believe me you know nothing, no one truly know the real me Mulder…”

“Well let’s see if we can change that shall we, you can start by telling me the real reason you’re here tonight!”

“Maybe I just wanted to get back at you, screw with your head Mulder. Hell it’s so easy to get you to believe me at times as you’re pathetic, shit all I had to do was turn on the tears.”

Shit Mulder was off the coffee table within seconds, well I hadn’t been expecting him to lose it that fast or the backhander he gave me. I raised my hand and wiped the blood from my lips, shit my mouth was already starting to throb now.

“You asked for that one Alex.”

“Yeah apparently I always ask for it, spooky Mulder knows everything.”

“You could dig your own grave with that mouth of yours, you never know when to keep it shut do you.”

Shit in all honesty the man was right, I knew in reality I should be six feet under by his hands.

XXXXXXXXXX

I had no idea why Alex had to keep on fucking with my head, also over the years it was becoming rather repetitive and boring at times. I could also tell real tears and fear when I saw them, I wasn’t a trained phycologist for nothing.

Alex Krycek was finally falling apart right in front of my eyes; the big question was how far I helped him along. I was far from stupid and knew he’d try escaping at the first opportunity he got, I could tell he was sat there looking for that said chance too.

“Mulder you’re doing it again…”

“Doing what?”

“The silent treatment.”

“I’m just thinking that’s all, you claim that you never had a choice in what you did or how you ended up?”

“Yeah shit happens, so what’s that got to do with anything?”

“Well how about you try explaining it all to me, I want to know how you became a lying murdering bastard for Spender!”

“I already told you that my parents died, I was five years old and was left with no one except one uncle…”

“Go on Alex.”

“Shit Mulder, god please don’t make me do this…”

“I said talk Alex.”

I watched as he closed his eyes once more, I had to admit the man had some seriously long eyelashes. If I were to be honest the man was truly gorgeous, even despite his swollen lip that I’d caused.

It was at that point I realized Alex was talking once more, shit I had to pay attention to what he said and not his body. Deep down I knew I’d have to bring up my father, I had to know the truth and whether this man here pulled the trigger.

“I guess that I’m boring you Mulder…”

“No sorry I was miles away, carry on about your uncle.”

“He was my father’s brother, I’d thought my father was strict but he was far worse.”

“So basically, poor Alex had a hard life!”

“Fuck you Mulder, believe me you know nothing about suffering or me.”

Shit within seconds Alex was up and off the couch, yet I guessed my natural instinct around the man was to be fast. I shoved him as hard as I could backwards, well at least he had the soft couch that he landed on.

“Try that again and I’ll shoot you and say it was self-defence, just remember your freedom relies on what story you tell me.”

Hell, I was an FBI agent and should just arrest him, well I guess it wasn’t like I always did everything by the book. The man looked so sexy sat there and breathing heavy, I knew I really shouldn’t be thinking along those lines right now with him here.

“Last chance Alex.”

“Yeah, I had a fuckin hard life, I was sent to a strange country and was beat from the age of five. My uncle lived here in America, I take it you know that I came from Russia originally?”

“I was never sure if it was the truth, I guess you just sound so American now.”

I was born in Russia to Russian parents, yet I left when I was five and remember very little about that time. I do remember that my uncle liked the fast life including gambling and cars, also the man hated kids.”

“So why the hell did he take you in then?”

Maybe Alex might tell an interesting story after all, I’d just be left wondering how much of it was the truth.

XXXXXXXXXX

Maybe I might be able to pull this off after all, I would just need to get Mulder totally engrossed in my story. Mulder was nothing more than an information whore at times, once the man got started on something he wouldn’t let go.

“My uncle was also Russian, I guess he saw it as something he was meant to do after his brother died. I guess my uncle had to live up to his Russian upbringing, he believed he’d be cursed otherwise.”

“So he took you in, I bet you were a right downer on his lifestyle.”

“Yeah you could say that, he beat me every single day and I was just a small frightened little child who’d lost his parents. Sometimes it would be his fist, other times he would use his leather belt on me.”

“It must have been really hard for you, I’m sorry that you had to suffer like that as a small child.”

“Don’t feel sorry for me Mulder, I don’t do pity from anyone including you. If anything, I guess it made me stronger, I’ve spent my entire life with someone or other beating on me.”

I had to admit that I caught the guilty look on Mulders face, yeah he was also guilty of hitting me many times in the past too.

“He’d lock me in a closet for days on end, just fuck off out drinking and gambling. One time when I was eight he left me for a whole week, a whole week of living in my own filth with hardly any food or water.”

“Couldn’t you escape at all?”

“I couldn’t break the lock, also where the hell would I go anyway? I tried to escape once and damaged the lock, I suffered greatly for that and was always too scared to try again.”

“What about when you were older Alex, you must have had a chance then?”

“By fifteen I’d spent ten years of my life knowing no different, by that time I was scared that he’d find me and kill me if I escaped.”

“So how did you eventually get away then?”

“At fifteen he put me out on the streets to work, he claimed that I was old enough to pay my way now. My uncle also decided that I owed him big time, apparently I was to pay him back for the ten years he’d fed and clothed me.”

“So, what did he put you on the streets to do?”

“Jesus use that fuckin brain of yours Mulder, I was reasonably good looking and very young.”

“Oh shit, you mean he prostituted you…”

“Men wanted me because of my age as I was forbidden, they would pay a lot for someone my age too. Most of them beat me and abused me, I had no idea what I was doing back then.”

Great now I started crying once more, I used the back of my hand to remove them as fast as they appeared hoping Mulder wouldn’t notice.

“It must have been hard Alex, you were far too young to have all that put on you.”

“The first time will always be stuck in my head, I’ve had to live with that for twenty fuckin years…”

“Do you get counselling or even talk about it? Maybe someone could have helped you through it…”

“No amount of help would never be enough, shit I was fifteen Mulder…”

“Yeah, I guess, yet you like men by choice now and are gay!”

“Shit Mulder, how the fuck did you know that?”

“Ha no denial there then, it was actually just a hunch and now you’ve confirmed it.”

Great I guess I’d just well and truly walked into that one, I bet Mulder would hate me even more now than before. I was gay and he knew it, I bet now he’d regret all the times he’d laid his hands on me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I could see all those deep-down emotions flickering across his face, I knew now that this man sat in front of me wasn’t lying about the horrors that he told.

“Look I’ll listen if you want someone to talk to, not that I can guarantee it’ll change anything between us two!”

“Like I even have a choice, especially if it’s the only way you’ll let me out of here. What do you really want Mulder, knowing you I bet you want every single gruesome detail…”

“I just want to try and understand you Alex, understand why you became the man you are now.”

“I’m not worth it Mulder.”

“Alex just talk, I’ll decide whether you’re worth it or not.”

I could read his body language so easy, Alex was starting to become really jittery now and was losing it. Deep down I knew it was only a matter of time, very soon Alex would do whatever it took to get out of here and away from me.

“I was fifteen and everyday was the same, until that day he decided I owed him so much. My uncle came and threw some clothes at me, apparently I was to shower and dress in the clothes he’d provided. I was naïve and thought he wanted me to get a normal job, however I felt really nervous when I saw the tight black leather pants I was expected to wear in public.”

Great suddenly my mind could visualize Alex now, sat here wearing the said black tight leather pants. Shit I knew I had to pull myself together, now was not the time to have immoral thoughts about my ex-partner.

“I did as I was told and sat on the bed, now all I had to do was wait for my uncle to return and see where we were going. It was another hour before he returned and my life became even worse if possible, shit he was looking at me far different from all the other times….”

“Hey just take your time Alex.”

“He screamed at me to remove all of the clothes, I sat there pathetic and kept apologizing for been useless. It wasn’t long before I was just stood there in my underwear, it was then that he told me I had to remove them too. He claimed I’d have to get used to men seeing me naked, I’d also have to get used to taking orders from them too.”

I watched as Alex closed those gorgeous green eyes once more, maybe I was wrong forcing him to tell me everything like this. I could see the tears once more and was about to tell him to stop, yet at that moment Alex started talking once more and I let him. I gathered that he was getting to the hardest part now, he’d said this was when his life had really changed.

“He just stood there staring, yet I refused to remove my underwear or do as he ask. My uncle punched me full on in the stomach and winded me, within seconds he pushed me face down on to the bed. He bent my arms behind my back and threatened to break them, suddenly his full weight was upon me and I was pinned to the bed. It was at that moment that he started to remove his belt, believe me I’d felt that belt many times over the years.”

Alex became really quiet as he struggled to breathe, okay maybe I really had pushed the man to the limits now. I was like a dog with a bone, I finally had him here and didn’t want to end my questioning.

“Hey breathe Alex, come on just take a few deep breaths. I know you haven’t had counselling but you must have talked to someone?”

“They’re my monsters Mulder and are real, look I’ll be okay in a minute or two okay.”

Shit here I was suddenly feeling really sorry for the man, no one at all deserved a childhood like that including Alex Krycek.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew I’d reached the hardest part of all, the question was did I tell him everything in detail or not? I sat there for a few minutes and thought about my options, fuck it I’d tell him how it was for me.

“I lay there and gritted my teeth as I waited for the belt to hit, yet this time it never came. Suddenly he used the belt to restrain my hands instead, now I knew I was well and truly trapped here. I lay there on my stomach with my hands restrained behind me, it was then that he suddenly pulled off my underwear and I found myself naked.

My uncle ran his hand down my back and stopped when it was on my ass, he then told me what a gorgeous body I had. Apparently, that was why he had to share me with the clients he’d found, it would bring in plenty of money for him.

I wasn’t that fuckin stupid, I knew exactly what he expected me to do. Yet I was a fifteen-year-old with no sexual experience at all, I tried to tell him I didn’t know how and he slapped me hard. My uncle said men would pay plenty for my services, also pay even more for what they’d be allowed to do to me.

The young and inexperienced were in demand, I was later to find out my uncle hadn’t been joking. None of them ever gave a shit about me Mulder, to them I was a way they could live out their dominant fantasies.”

Shit maybe I couldn’t do this after all, to have Mulder hate me even more was unbearable. I’d closed my eyes and hadn’t even noticed that Mulder had moved, suddenly I felt the glass as it was pushed into my hand.

I opened my eyes to see the drink he was giving me, also to see Mulder sat beside me on the couch. Maybe the drink might help me relax somewhat, also with Mulder beside me it left a pathway to escape.

“Alex it’s only vodka, just drink it and try to calm down a bit.”

“Ha easy for you to say, shit my future depends on what I tell you about my past. I knew it would all catch up with me one day, I guess I just didn’t expect it to be you.”

“Maybe it’s a good thing Alex.”

“Fuck knows, but I know that I’m not sharing everything with you Mulder.”

“Fine just go back to where you were then, you said that your uncle was planning to use you as a prostitute.”

“Yeah however first he decided to break me in, give me a taste of what was to come so to speak. I started to panic when he stood and started undressing, once he was naked I also noticed that he was hard too. Shit the man was my fuckin uncle, I was his nephew and he had a hard on for me.

I told him, shit I begged and pleaded with him. I told him that it was wrong in so many ways, he was my uncle and it was also rape. He didn’t give a shit; do you know what he said Mulder…”

“No Alex, what did he say to you?”

“He said that nobody would ever know, it would always be our little secret. I managed to keep his secret for over twenty years before telling anyone, shit you’re the only person that knows Mulder.”

Suddenly I shut my mouth, what the fuck was I doing telling Mulder all of this. Now the man I loved had a way to destroy me, maybe I’d already destroyed myself by telling him.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d noticed Alex become silent once more, I also noticed his body language change dramatically too. Alex had that fight or flight look about him right now, I’d give him less than five minutes before he decided to do one or the other.

“I’m really sorry that you had to suffer like that Alex, however none of that has explained how you managed to end up with Spender.”

“That wasn’t for another three years, my life was hell for that time too. I was tortured, but my uncle had always been the worst and one of the ones I’ll never forget. Maybe I hadn’t seen it coming as we were related, also he’d forced himself upon me.

I screamed from the pain Mulder, yet my uncle never even let up for a minute. All he did was reach and grab his tee shirt from the floor, he then forced it into my mouth silencing me. Ten years he beat the shit out of me, then to top it off he went and brutally raped me too.”

Alex was really starting to lose it bigtime, I knew very soon I’d lose the only chance I might get to ask him what I wanted to know. I felt somewhat guilty asking him after his own revelations, yet I had to know if the man had killed my father.

I kept telling myself I had to know the truth, yet in all honesty I had no idea what the truth was anymore. Even so my profiler instinct kicked in, I’d profiled many Killers that had started out as beaten innocent children.

I always did wonder why they became what they did, you’d think some would want to prove they were better than their abuser. I suppose if you take a vulnerable child and mould it to how you want, I guess I was just finding it hard seeing Alex as a victim. Maybe it was because his actions had hurt me and the ones I love, I knew that I should look at the case unbiased and as a profiler before anything else.

I had to decide which way to take this, did I ask about my father or Spender first. Did I really need to know why he ended up working for that cancerous bastard, or would I rather know if he killed my father and why?

After a few minutes I knew what I had to do, my father was far more important to me than Spender and I had to know.

“Alex did you kill my father…”

Shit I really hadn’t planned to blurt it out like that, yet I had asked and there was no going back now.

“That’s all it comes down to, you don’t give a shit about me or how I’ve suffered do you, not that I can blame you though, hell I don’t even like the person I became.”

“I’m who I am Alex and can’t change that, how about you answer me and we can take it from there.”

“Yeah right, what if you don’t like my answer Mulder?”

“Is that your way of telling me you did it?”

“Yes I killed your father, there are you happy now Mulder…”

Within seconds I saw red and reacted violently towards him, I turned and grabbed the man tight by the throat. Alex was still fast when he wanted to be, within seconds we ended up on the floor fighting.

“You bastard, I fuckin hate you Krycek and want you dead.”

I rolled Alex over onto his back and was soon upon him, I stared down at his tear streaked face and snapped. I punched him full on in the face, I also took great pleasure from him as he moaned out in pain.

“I have to know why you did it?”

Without answering Alex suddenly changed, I’d never seen Alex Krycek this aggressive before and it was all aimed at me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Something inside me snapped, I couldn’t take this anymore from anyone ever again. Part of me knew that it was Mulder on top of me, yet some part of me had gone back in time. A time so long ago that I’d always tried to forget, pinned to the floor like some pathetic helpless victim.

Then suddenly it was no longer Mulder that was there, I looked up and all I could see was my uncle once more staring down at me. The man had predatory eyes as he looked at me and held my body, I knew that I had to get free from him if I wanted to survive this ordeal.

I brought my fist up and punched him in the face, trouble was my mouth always got the better of me as usual.

“Get the fuck off me right now you bastard, I swear that I fuckin hate you…”

“Alex.”

“I swear I’ll kill you this time, touch me again uncle Dimitri and you’ll be a dead man I swear.”

“Alex it’s me Mulder, come on calm down and we can talk.”

My one goal was to get away from this man, I had to stand up to my uncle or let him destroy me. He still had me pinned to the floor, I couldn’t even use my arms to defend myself or get him off. Well they say all’s fair in love and war, I turned my head to one side and waited.

I tried so hard to calm myself down somewhat, once I felt calmer I whispered something quietly.

“What did you say Alex?”

I muttered something again so that he couldn’t hear, it was then that he moved close to my face so he could hear. I wasted no time at all as the opportunity presented itself, I fixed my teeth on the side of his neck and bit down hard.

Once I let go he jumped back, well at least I was now free to get away from here and him.

“Shit you’re a fuckin animal, look what you’ve done to my neck Krycek…”

I jumped up from the floor, I then looked down at what I’d done and who I’d done it to.

“Shit Mulder I’m so sorry, please I never meant to hurt you like that.”

“Yeah right…”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, no matter what I do I always end up hurting you.”

“Why did you have to kill my father?”

“Just get over it Mulder, shit he was just an evil bastard like the rest of them.”

I could see that Mulder was becoming restless now, also as he got up I could see the rage that was aimed towards me. I knew that I’d have to leave my gun and weapons behind, if I stayed here now I’d die at his hands.

“I’m so sorry for everything Mulder.”

With that I ran towards the door and got it open, there was no way I was waiting for the lift to arrive. Within minutes I was down all four flights of stairs, then once outside I ran as fast as my body would let me go.

At least my car was only parked a street away, once there I might start to feel somewhat safe for now at least. I finally made it to my car, the only trouble was I wasn’t in a fit state of mind to drive it.

I guess deep down I was worried Mulder would find me here, well at least I could be thankful that my rear windows were blacked out. I decided to climb into the back seat for now out of sight, it was there that I finally fell into a very troubled sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

The whole night was full of mostly bad revelations, I still couldn’t believe that Alex had been that open and had told me so much. I finally staggered into the bathroom, I held my hand to my neck as I went to ease the pain.

I decided to look in the mirror at my own reflection and see what he’d done, shit Alex had really sunk his teeth into me. I ‘d heard of love bites but… shit how the hell would I explain this one to Scully?”

Okay right now I was far too tired to think or even care, morning would come soon enough and I had things to do. I staggered to the couch and just fell upon it, at first I’d thought sleeping would be hard but it was daylight when I finally opened my eyes.

A quick shower and dress were the first things on the agenda, I then drove over to the Hoover to see what the day would bring. Once there I called at the canteen to grab a much-needed coffee, then I couldn’t put off facing Scully any longer.

Shit normally I was always the first one here, I’d thought I could get in and settled before Scully showed up.

“You’re early Scully, I’d have grabbed you something had I known!”

“I’m fine Mulder, did you have a late night or something?”

“What makes you say that Scully?”

“Well you haven’t hidden the love bite too well Mulder, I can see it above your collar.”

“Yeah well it’s not what you think Scully.”

Shit suddenly she was right beside me, she even reached out towards my neck to see it better.

“What are you doing Scully?”

“Having a look, that way I’ll know if it is a love bite or not.”

Scully pulled my collar back, shit that was when I heard the deep gasp she made at the sight of it.

“Mulder whoever did this took it way too far, what sort of women did you take home?”

“Scully it was a man that did it.”

“Okay I can live with the fact that you’re gay, even so no one should bite like an animal Mulder.”

“Scully listen to me and listen carefully, you might not like what I’m about to say.”

“Fine just get on with it then.”

“Firstly, I’m bi sexual Scully and not gay, also it was Alex Krycek that did it.”

“What! You’re in a relationship with Alex Krycek…”

“Calm down Scully as he only bit me so he could escape, he was at my place when I arrived home last night,”

“So where is he now?”

“He managed to get away and took off, however that was after he shared a few truths with me.”

“Such as…”

“Well he killed my father for one.”

“I’m so sorry Mulder.”

“I’m fine Scully, really it was Alex that confused me the most. I’d never seen him so open and upset like that, for once he was actually easy to profile.”

“Did he say why he killed your father?”

“We never got that far, that’s why I need to find him Scully. Krycek told me about the first fifteen years of his life, shit and that was bad enough Scully.”

“How do you know it was the truth?”

“Scully I’m not stupid, shit I was a profiler and still am. I was the one who forced him to tell me it all, I said I’d let him go if he did.”

“So now what Mulder?”

“He was raped by his uncle, he also slipped up and mentioned the man by name.”

Now I’m planning to use the FBI resources to check him out., not that I said that part out loud to Scully.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke to find I could barely even move, I knew I was far too tall to be sleeping in the rear of my car. Just to top it off I was also freezing now, I decided to get out of my car and stretch all of my limbs.

Great now I was well and truly frozen out here, also the people going past were giving me dirty looks or just staring at me. I looked down at myself to see why everyone kept staring at me, shit it was then that I noticed the blood all over my tee shirt.

Well I had to admit it really did stand out on a white tee shirt, shit then I remembered whose blood it was and what I’d done to him. I knew Mulder would never let it go now, I’d have to lay really low and avoid the obsessive man the best I could.

My head was seriously fucked up now, I really couldn’t believe that I’d thought Mulder was my uncle and he was pinning me to the floor. Mulder was always my biggest downfall and weakness in life, one day the man would totally destroy me if I gave him the chance.

It was a dangerous situation for me because I wanted him, yet I was the man who’d killed his father and made him hate me. Oh, and just to top it off I worked for the men he despised, not that I could blame him on that score.

I climbed back into my car and turned the heating on full, I then sat there until I was warm enough to start the car and drive home. All I wanted was a shower and some proper sleep in a bed, yet the minute I opened the door all I smelt was smoke.

I really wish that cancerous bastard would stop letting himself in, not that I had the power to stop him doing what he wanted.

“Alex dear boy you’re home.”

“What do you want now Spender, I’m too tired and can’t be bothered right now.”

“You’d do well to remember your place boy, actually I have a job for you to do.”

“It’ll have to wait, I feel too ill to be of any use to you right now.”

“Alex come into the light right this minute.”

I walked further into the room, once near the lamp I just stood there before him and waited.

“Well Alex I have to admit that you do look rough, so would you care to explain where the blood came from?”

“I had a really bad nose bleed that’s all, look I just think it’s from a lack of sleep…”

“Fine, I’ll give you forty-eight hours Alex. After that I want you in my office and ready for work, no excuses at all is that clear?”

“Yeah it’s clear, so what was the job anyway?”

“It doesn’t matter right now, just be in my office like I asked.”

I was left stood there as Spender stood up, he lit a cigarette and then just walked out. Once on my own I ran over to the door, I had four internal locks and made sure I used every single one of them.

The man might be able to get in while I was out, however I didn’t want him walking in here while I was fast asleep or something. I then went into the kitchen to find the vodka I kept there, I forwent the glass as I were too tired to give a shit right now.

I walked into the bathroom as I drank the vodka neat, once there I turned the shower on full.

XXXXXXXXXX

I spent the next hour or so doing things on my computer, I knew I might learn nothing but I refused to give up so easily. Alex had called his uncle by the name of Dimitri, I guess I was just hoping that Krycek was their legitimate family surname.

Finally, I found a file on one Dimitri Nikolay Krycek, same age range uncle could be and Russian born. I noticed that there were also other files from various departments, well I decided to start with the man’s criminal file first and see where it led me.

Well it turned out that Dimitri Krycek was far from the law-abiding citizen, he had at least six short prison sentences under his belt. The man had been arrested for illegal gambling and drugs, also prostitution and general bodily harm.

At least three of the sentences were for assault, it appeared that Alex had a very violent uncle. His latest crime had been against an eighteen-year-old, apparently, he said the man had been provoking his fifteen-year-old nephew.

Well I guess everything fitted and put Alex in the picture, Dimitri was let off with a warning and a heavy fine. Alex had said the prostitution had started when he was fifteen, I’m guessing he blamed Alex for the fine he had to pay.

Maybe his uncle had got sick of having Alex there, mind you Alex did say his uncle never liked him from the start. I decided to check through some of the other records while I was here, Dimitri had come to America five years before Alex was even born.

So, Dimitri had been in America for ten years when Alex arrived here, he also had no children of his own and had remained unmarried. It appeared that he preferred the life he’d already made for himself, America gave him far more freedom than Russia and a child would be a burden to him.

There were also reports regarding his nephew too, Dimitri was to receive full custody of Alex if he were ever to become an orphan. Shit I bet they thought their son would be safe and cared for, instead the kid suffered ten years of beatings.

It stated that his name was Alexander Mikael Krycek, his full name had never appeared on his FBI file. So, it appeared that he’d shortened his name to just Alex Krycek, also he’d dropped his middle name too.

Well at least it turned out his age and date of birth were correct, I decided to check out the school records on Alex. Apparently, he’d been under child welfare, he was also known as a persistent absentee when it came to school.

Also, his uncle claimed that Alex was always fighting and causing trouble, he was nothing more than a bully that picked on younger children. The school claimed they’d seen no evidence to support the uncles claims, they personally believed that Alex was bullied himself outside of school.

The welfare had looked into the home life he had, however after a few months they came up with nothing. The uncle had an answer for all of the bruises, the child himself was withdrawn and unwilling to cooperate.

It was after six months they closed the file, Alex was to be another child overlooked by the system. Shit he wasn’t joking when he said that he had no one, it appeared that Alex never had any other family and no friends either.

Yet I could find nothing on him once he turned fifteen, also I still had a couple of questions I wanted to ask him. I had to know why Alex had killed my father, I also wanted to know where Spender fit into all of this.

My mission was to find Alex no matter what, it was just a shame I hadn’t a clue where to start looking.

XXXXXXXXXX

I stood under the spray of water until it ran cold, once dry I grabbed the bottle of vodka once more and headed for the bedroom. The aim was to get totally pissed, then try and forget what a fuckin idiot I’d been.

The vodka warmed my insides, well at least been Russian I seemed to prefer the vodka neat anyway. I couldn’t even be bothered to re dress myself, not that it mattered as I sat there in the bed drinking.

I was a stupid fucked up idiot to tell Mulder so much about my past, now he would despise me and want revenge for the bite mark I’d left upon his soft skin. I was stupid for still wanting him, I was already destroyed beyond repair and the man was perfect.

Basically, my life had ended when I was five years old, my own uncle had made damn sure of that. As I drank more the memories all came flooding back, once more I was fifteen and back on that bed with my uncle and could hear the voice I despised.

“Take it like a man Alex and shut the fuck up whining.”

“Please uncle Dimitri don’t do this…”

“Prepare yourself Alex as this will happen, I will soon teach you how to accept the pain along with everything else.”

“Not like this…”

“Sex can be a weapon Alex, used as power over the weak minded. You have to learn to let yourself go and accept what your life will entail.”

I started screaming when the pain became unbearable once more, suddenly my eyes flew open and I was in total darkness... It took me a few seconds to realize just where I was, at least I was now safe in my own apartment and my own bed.

I rushed as fast as I could towards the toilet, within seconds I emptied the entire contents of my stomach. The acid burned my stomach and throat, well it was either that or all the vodka I’d already drank. Hell, I couldn’t even remember when I last ate anything either, well I knew it was at least a couple of days.

I washed my face in cold water and cleaned myself up, I then went in search of some food to settle my stomach. I opened one cupboard after another, yet deep down the sight of everything was making me feel ill. I was determined and kept up my search, yet it was then that I noticed I still had more unopened bottles of vodka.

I grabbed the bottle and took up my spot back on the bed, I then drank until the bottle was totally empty and I passed out. I had vague memories of waking to use the bathroom, beyond that I had no recollection of anything else.

All I heard was my phone ringing, shit now even movement made me feel sick and the room span as I saw double. Only one person had this number, I knew I’d have to answer it or suffer the many consequences. I grabbed hold of the phone and placed it against my ear, I then waited for the cancerous bastard to speak.

“Alex dear boy.”

“What the hell do you want now Spender?”

“You in my office in six hours, you had also better brush up on that attitude of yours too.”

“You said that I had two days…”

“Yes, and I kept my word Alex, your two days are up in six hours.”

“Oh shit!”

“Six hours Alex.”

I moaned and dragged myself out of bed, shit I only had six hours to get myself sorted out.

XXXXXXXXXX

I spent another hour without learning anything else new, I guess now was the time to do the job I was getting paid to do. The day was rather boring to say the least, apparently I’d managed to piss off Skinner yet again.

It wasn’t my fault my expenses were high once more, according to Skinner my expenses were higher than any other agent working in the FBI. I just fobbed the man off with the usual bullshit, I’d look into it and try to do better as an agent.

All I wanted was for this day to end, okay maybe I’d planned a little detour of my own on the way home. It was a few hours later when I finally reached my destination, hopefully I might be able to get some useful answers.

Once I arrived I rang the buzzer, I then looked up at the camera and gave a really cheesy grin. I knew at least one of the gunmen would be checking the camera out inside, it took longer than normal before Langley finally opened the door.

“What brings you here Mulder?”

“Your expertise Langley, so what have you done with Byers and Frohike then?”

“They’re out investigating some U.F.O sighting, thought you’d have been out there yourself Mulder…”

“No, the expertise I need is on a personal level.”

“Come on then Mulder don’t keep me wondering, just spill the beans.”

“I need your help to track down Alex Krycek for me, not that I know if even you’ll be able to find him!”

“Mulder never underestimate what I can do, I take it he’s managed to piss you off yet again?”

“Yeah you could say that.”

“Okay make yourself at home Mulder, this might take a few hours for all I know.”

“Take however long you need, I might have to order a takeaway though as I haven’t eaten.”

“Look in the fridge and you’ll find some lasagne, well that’s if it interests you?”

“Yeah that’ll do, thanks Langley as I’m starving and could eat anything.”

“No problem dude.”

I went into the small kitchen and re heated the food, well at least Frohike had improved his cooking skills after his lessons. I’d just sat at the table when Langley walked in, he just grabbed a soda and was about to leave. Suddenly he stopped and started staring at me, to be honest he was starting to creep me out.

“Whoa Mulder…”

“What?”

“The broad must have been one hell of an animal, hey if you get bored give me her number will you?”

“What the hell are you talking about Langley?”

“The hickey man.”

Shit I’d forgotten all about the bite on my neck, great now I’d have to explain it to him too.

“It was Krycek, also it’s not what you think either.”

“If you say so Mulder…”

“He fuckin bit me!”

“Hey it’s your business, I’ll just go and get on with mine.”

Soon Langley walked out and I was alone, I was so tired now and would give anything for some sleep. Finally, I finished the food and went in search of the couch, it wasn’t my comfy couch however sleep got the better of me.

“Mulder wake up.”

“What is it…”

“I’ve got something on Alex Krycek.”

I got up and went over to look at the monitor, maybe I might actually get somewhere after all.

XXXXXXXXXX

First thing on my agenda was the headache gone, I popped a couple of pills and prayed that they’d work really fast. My head pounded and I still felt like shit, the thought alone of listening to Spender made me want to throw up.

That done, I decided to try some coffee and a small amount of toast. Fuck it was then that I suddenly remembered something, shit I no longer had a gun or any weapons at all.

The last time I’d had them was when Mulder took them, knowing him he’d keep them to use as evidence against me later on. Well it’s Mulder, chances are I wouldn’t have to worry about that for a while. At a guess I’d say he’d put them in his desk, shoved them out of sight to deal with another day.

I knew eventually that I’d have to go back there, first I’d have to leave it till Mulder was far away on a case or something. Well the time had come to pull myself together and get dressed, for now I’d have to risk dealing with Spender unarmed.

I suppose I should be thankful Mulder never took my keys or wallet, worst case scenario I’d have to go and buy another gun. It was over an hour later when I arrived at Spenders office, shit I really despised the smell of smoke that was always present.

“Alex dear boy it’s good to see you, come in and sit down, I take it that you’re feeling well now, nothing contagious I hope?”

“No so don’t panic, just tell me why I’m here will you…”

“I see that your patience is at its normal standard Alex, you really need to watch that mouth of yours.”

“Fine, just tell me then as I have things to do.”

“It’s like you have something to hide Alex, that wouldn’t be the case would it?”

“No, why has someone been talking about me again?”

“I’m well aware that you visit Mulders place from time to time, I do hope you’re not supplying him with confidential information Alex…”

“I sleep there now and again when he’s out of town, plus you hardly tell me any top secrets worth sharing!”

“Maybe that should tell you your place on the ladder, however I’m having a meeting here to discuss present matters.”

“What about?”

“I believe that I have a traitor working for me, that’s why I want everyone to report to me.”

“Hey I’ve nothing to hide.”

“Good so you’ll have no problem showing up then will you Alex, I’ll presume any one unaccounted for has something to hide.”

“Fine I’ll be here, so what time is it then?”

“Eight tomorrow evening, make sure you’re not late.”

“Fine, is that all?”

“For now, goodbye Alex.”

I never even answered as I stood up, now I knew that I would need a gun more than ever as protection. I’m a survivalist and would protect myself before Spender, I just had a really bad feeling about the meeting and what the outcome would be.

First, I’d go and see a couple of people, maybe make a couple of deals to get what I’d need. If all failed I’d have to pray that Mulder was out, that would mean hacking into the FBI to see what he was up to and where he was.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe that Langley had found something so fast, also it turned out the address he’d found was only twenty minutes away from here. The question was whether the address was genuine or not, also did I go tonight or tomorrow?

I figured Alex was a night person most of the time, chances are he’d be out and up to no good as usual for him. Well I guess tonight it would be then, hell I guess there was no time like the present to deal with this matter.

Alex had claimed that he wanted a friend more than anything, I believed that he wouldn’t shoot me on sight or hurt me physically if he found me there. Suddenly my hand automatically went to the bite mark on my neck, I had to remember this side of Alex was like a frightened wild animal and anything could happen.

I found the apartment in no time at all, once there I decided to knock and wait. After knocking twice I’d still received no answer and all was still silent, well it looked like it would have to rely on my picklock I had with me.

To my surprise the place appeared immaculate, it was also really spacious with only the most basic furniture. Shit this man was far more alone than even I was, looking at this place he never entertained or brought anyone here.

Finally, the only room left to check out was the bedroom, well I was totally taken back by the difference in rooms and their appearance. This room was far messier than all of the others, even the bed was still unmade and the curtains were still shut as if he left in a hurry.

I looked around and noticed the empty vodka bottles, I guess that after Alex left my place he came home to drown sorrows and forget about everything. Well if he’d left in a hurry he might be gone a while, well I was here and might as well make the most of it and take a look around.

I opened up the closet and the drawers too, everything inside was black apart from a couple of things. Apparently, Alex owned a couple of plain white tee shirts, I guess he dressed in dark colours the same way he lived his life. Alex had always lived in the shadows, not that you could expect anything different considering who the man worked for.

I then decided to look in the draw that was beside his bed, most people kept the most used stuff right beside them. The top draw was rather boring to say the least, an old penknife and some pills that were unnamed. I opened the penknife and then re closed it, I then decided to pocket one of the pills to find out what they were.

The second draw contained a small black notebook shoved down the side, maybe this was where Alex kept all those secrets hidden. The book appeared to have some names inside including my own, I also noticed that my father’s name was also there alongside Spenders.

I had no idea if all the numbers and dates wrote there meant anything, well anyone besides Alex that is. I put the book back exactly where I’d found it, I really didn’t want to get Alex spooked as he might decide to disappear yet again.

The draw also appeared to be full of socks and underwear, all in the black trade mark that was Alex. I was about to close it when I noticed something shoved near the back, it had only stood out because the colour was different.

I pulled it out of the draw and something fell to the floor, I picked up the fallen object and held it as I was lost in thought. So maybe Alex did have a few secrets after all, shit thinking of him made me realize I should be leaving here.

It was right then that an idea started to form in my head, maybe there was a way to catch a rat after all.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew the feds had ran some huge clean-up operation around here recently, now it was starting to look like they’d drove everyone underground. All I wanted was a fuckin gun before the meeting with Spender, yet it didn’t look like I’d find a willing partner anytime soon.

I carried a small knife up my sleeve just in case I had to protect myself, some of the people around here were extremely violent and didn’t like strangers in their neighbourhood. By late afternoon I’d been everywhere possible and met all my contacts, however now I was starting to get pissed off and lose my patience.

In the end I lost all hope and drove back home, well it wasn’t like I had a choice or anywhere else to try. I drove the long way back to make sure no one followed me back, it was tedious but I’d rather waste time than wind up dead.

Before leaving I’d left various little markers in place, straight away I knew that someone had been here and inside. Shit come to think of it they might still be here, hell I’d only just seen Spender a few hours ago and didn’t expect it to be him.

I opened the door and entered really slow, well at least I couldn’t smell smoke so that was something. Then again maybe Spender sent one of his goons over, I simply didn’t trust the man at all.

I checked every room for unwelcome visitors, after a thorough search I realized that I was alone. My next job was to scan the place for bugs or electronic devices, I was amazed when I came up totally empty handed.

Once I was sure I tried to relax the best I could under the circumstances, I had things that needed doing and I had very little time to do them. The first thing was to grab something to eat, I’d hardly had any food in days now which wasn’t good when I would need a clear head later on.

Well it looked like it was going to be a bowl of cereal as it was all I had in, shit and I thought Mulder was useless when it came to food shopping. I knew after the meeting with Spender I’d need to stock up again, well I guess that’s if I come out of the meeting in one piece.

I booted my laptop up and started typing, this wasn’t the first time I’d hacked into the database to see what Mulder was up to or where he was. It also wouldn’t be the last time either, now more than ever I had to be one step ahead of the G man.

I sat back for a couple of minutes and waited for the program to run, one way or another I had to get my gun and weapons back today.  Finally, my laptop emitted a loud pinging noise, well it was time to see if I could do this without bumping into Mulder.

I typed in his name and badge number, I’d learnt his badge number and knew it off by heart now too. I guess that was quite scary when you thought about it, hell I couldn’t even remember my own from when I was an agent.

So, it appeared that he was away on a case in Oregon, apparently, he should be away for a couple of nights or so. Suddenly I felt really relieved and like things were finally falling into place, everything should be really straightforward now with Mulder out of the picture.

Go over to Mulders and get all of my stuff back, hopefully I’d then be safe at the meeting with Spender. I finally turned the laptop off and moved, I then went into my closet.

I grabbed a holdall and put my laptop in it, I then went and grabbed the black notebook from my bedroom. I didn’t like the idea of having people in my home, especially when I was out and all my stuff was here.

I locked up and put all my markers back in place, I then went down to where I’d parked my car. For now I’d put all my stuff in the trunk of my car, I’d made a safe place hidden under a fake floor to keep all my things away from prying eyes.

Now I was ready to go to Mulders, well at least his place wasn’t that far from me. Once there I parked my car a block away from his place, I then went to Mulders apartment and gained access within seconds.

XXXXXXXXXX

I finally arrived back home and was thankful that it was Friday, this had been a week that I’d be glad to see finally over. I had two days’ work free, well at least this weekend I had plans and plenty to do if all went right.

God a pizza sounded good right now, however the last thing I wanted was my apartment to smell of fresh food. It would give away the fact that I was home straight away as soon as the door opened, well I guess it would have to be cereal then.

I went over to my desk and opened the draw, I retrieved all of Alex’s belongings and placed them on top in full view. That done I removed my own gun and handcuffs, I couldn’t think of anything that I’d missed. All that was left to do now was wait, I just sat there in the darkness thinking about my own life and what I’d done with it.

Over two hours later and I was ready to give up, I was even starting to fall asleep from boredom. It was at that moment that I heard a faint noise in the distance, it didn’t take me long to realize that someone was picking the lock on my door.

I crept over and hid behind the door, shit I’d have to hope it wasn’t someone I wasn’t expecting like Spender or his henchmen. Finally, I watched as Alex walked in ever so slow and quietly, he then waited a few seconds until his eyes adjusted to the darkness.

I never even allowed the man the luxury of time, within seconds I grabbed him and hit him.

“What the fuck…”

“Hello Alex, it’s nice to see you too!”

I shoved him down onto the couch using plenty of force, now he really was starting to look worried.

“I only want to finish our little talk Alex; do I need to use my cuffs on you?”

“Shit you’re not supposed to be here Mulder!”

“Ha I knew you’d fall for that one, so come on Alex answer the question. Do I need to restrain you, or are you going to behave yourself…”?

“No don’t cuff me, shit Mulder I won’t try anything I swear.”

“Yeah because your word means so much.”

“Mulder just ask your fuckin questions, that way I can leave as I have things to do.”

“You never did tell me why you killed my father, or how you managed to end up working for Spender.”

“Jesus Mulder… shit are you totally incapable of letting things go?”

“He was my father Alex!”

“He was also a complete bastard, he was also as evil as all the other bastards that he worked with.”

I couldn’t help myself as I backhanded him, I then watched as the blood ran from his split lip.

“You asked for the truth Mulder, shit I thought the truth was all that mattered to you…”

“Fuck you and fuck this, I need a drink and time to think.”

I didn’t really want a drink, all I wanted was to test Alex. Give the man some rope and see just what he’d do with it, I was far from surprised and realized just how predictable Alex was.

The minute I turned my back he moved, the first thing he did was grab his gun from my desk. Within seconds I pointed my gun at him, now I had to watch and see what Alex would do next.

“Drop it Mulder or I’ll shoot.”

“Go on then Alex, what are you waiting for? I’m stood here so just do it.”

I stood my ground and waited, I wanted to see if Alex was capable of killing me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe how fast this had all gone wrong, yet I knew I had to figure a way out of this and fast.

“Mulder just drop the fuckin gun!”

“You haven’t got a chance in hell Alex…”

“I swear that I’ll shoot you if I have to.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Mulder why do you have to be such a dumbass all the time?”

“Alex, I know that you can’t do it, you’ve never been able to hurt me intentionally have you…”

“Shit what fuckin planet are you on?”

“Alex just put the gun down and we can talk about everything.”

“Fuck you Mulder and fuck everything…”

I now just stood here with tears streaming down my face, it was then in a split second that I knew what had to be done. I raised the gun and put it against my own head, before Mulder even had a chance to move I pulled the trigger.

“Alex you’re a stupid bastard…”

I’d expected immense pain and then nothing, my brain was screaming at me that something was really wrong. I dropped the gun and fell to my knees, within seconds Mulder was beside me and holding me tight.

“Alex… come on Alex look at me.”

I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, in all honesty I wanted to be as far away from here as possible. I violently pushed Mulder away from me and tried to stand, this should have all been over with and I was as confused as hell.

I knew the door was my only shot at freedom, however I could feel Mulder watching me and every move that I made.

“Alex you can’t leave in this state, shit you just tried to blow your head off and end it all.”

“Stop me and I’ll kill you Mulder.”

“Shit are we really still on that one Alex, you just proved you couldn’t kill me and you need my help.”

“All I need is to get the hell away from you Mulder…”

“You have feelings for me don’t you Alex?”

“Shit what the hell have you been smoking Mulder!”

“It’s as plain as day, the way you act and…”

“Shut the fuck up, don’t you even try analysing me Mulder.”

“Alex I just want to talk, see if I can help you deal with things. You were the one who said you wanted a friend, we can still try if you let me.”

As Mulder talked I just edged closer to the door, all I had to do was keep his mind on something else.

“There’s no point Mulder, I need to sort out my own problems in my own way.”

“Well you don’t seem to be doing a good job at it, you need special help to deal with the past you have.”

“Yeah cos I’m a fuckin special case alright.”

“Alex it was traumatic to say the least.”

“No shit, I was there Mulder and can’t forget that easy.”

Trust Mulder to change back to what he was talking about before, the one subject I really didn’t want to talk about.”

“Alex do you have feelings for me?”

“You’re off your head Mulder.”

“Why do you always have to deny what you want…”

With that I reached the door and grabbed the handle, not that I even got the chance to use it. Suddenly Mulders weight slammed against me and shoved me into the door, it was then that everything around me went black.

XXXXXXXXXX

There was no way on earth that I could let Alex walk out of that door, especially in his state of mind and after what he’d just tried. I’d never realized the man was so far gone, shit the man was suicidal and ready to end everything.

I finally managed to pull the unconscious man from the floor, it then took some time to finally deposit the man upon my now clean bed. You see I’d already decided not to let him go, all I’d wanted was some answers from the man.

However, when he put the gun to his head it all changed, I suddenly realized that all my old feelings for him were still there. I had to face this for what it was, I wanted Alex for far more than just answers.

I looked down at his angelic face, the man looked far more peaceful than when he was awake and fighting everyone. I knew though that this was the calm before the storm, as a precaution I lifted his hand to the headboard and cuffed it there.

Once done I went into the bathroom to get a damp cloth, Alex was covered in perspiration after his recent events. All I wanted was for him to be comfortable while he was here, however I knew this was Alex Krycek and anything could happen.

I decided to unfasten the cuff and remove his heavy leather jacket, afterwards I made sure he was secure once more. As I watched Alex I questioned my own sanity, shit I was well and truly in love with the man that had gone and killed my father.

Alex could have lied to me once more about it, yet he had openly admitted killing him without any remorse at all. I moved to the other end of the bed and removed his socks and shoes too, also the jeans could go as they fit like a second skin and would be restricting too.

I looked down at his lean half-dressed body, shit I wasn’t doing myself any favours having Alex half naked and here in my bed. I took the sheet and decided to cover him up along with the temptation.

I had to make him see sense, he also had to understand that I had feelings for him and wanted him more than ever. I knew chances are he’d kill himself if I let him go now, I loved him far too much to watch him destroy himself as it’d destroy me too.

My biggest problem would be the man’s mental state right now, it was as fragile as an eggshell and he’d fight me at every step. I knew that trust also came hard for Alex as it did for me, well I could understand that when he’d never had anyone who he could trust in his life.

I knew that Alex would believe that I was lying to him, why would he believe anything else when he knew all I really wanted was answers, He would believe I was manipulating him to get what I want, then afterwards I’d toss him away or beat him.

I was also scared that I pushed him too far and over the edge, this was either going to make or break the man. I bent forward and kissed him on the cheek while I could, I then ran my thumb over his gorgeous lips and wanted to kiss him more than anything.

Shit I had to realize that all I were doing was torturing myself, nothing could ever happen between us until we’d dealt with his past first. From my view I knew the road would be a long and painful one, however I’d decided that the man lying here was worth it.

I stood and quietly left the room and the man behind for now, I really did need a strong drink after all. I’d also have to arrange some extra time off work too, that or keep him restrained. I guess I’d have to remember what I wanted the end result to be, I wanted his love and trust more than anything.

XXXXXXXXXX

I opened my eyes and realized it was dark and I could see shit, my head also felt like someone had used a jackhammer on it. Suddenly the memories or earlier on came back to me, the last thing I remember was Mulder smacking my head against the door as I tried to leave.

The worst thing was realizing that I was now in his bed, well that was until I went to move my aching arm. The fuckin bastard had me cuffed the god damn bed, shit now I realized that things were looking far worse for me than I’d first thought.

I’d openly admitted to killing his father, shit then I remembered the gun and trying to kill myself. Fuck this, I had to get the hell out of here and fast. Yeah, I’m sure Mulder would just let me go after the trouble he’s gone to, he would rather see me suffer than be free.

Shit then there was Spender too and his meeting, if I didn’t show up Spender would believe that I was the traitor that worked for him and want me to suffer. I had to face the fact that I was well and truly screwed, great I knew I should be used to it by now with the life I had.

I wanted Mulder here right now and I wanted answers, all I could do was shout his name and hope he showed up. Finally, after a few minutes the bedroom door opened, Mulder turned on the lamp and then stood there grinning at me.

Suddenly I felt really nervous around him, I knew the man could hurt me so much and I wouldn’t be able to stop him either.

“Hey Alex you’re finally awake!”

“Mulder just let me go and I’ll forget that this happened, you know that you can’t keep me here…”

“You’re playing my game now Alex, you’re also playing it by my rules too.”

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

“First, you won’t be leaving and might as well accept it. Secondly, I want more than answers from you Alex.”

“Fuck off Mulder, I swear the minute I’m free I’ll kill you.”

“Alex do you really think I’m intimidated by you, remember I’ve seen the real you now and know how you think.”

“I told you to stay the fuck out of my head, I’ll start shouting and then you’ll have to let me go or lose your job.”

“No Alex as I thought about that, give me a hard time and I’ll call Skinner myself to come and deal with you.”

Shit I visually shuddered at the thought of Skinner, well I knew the man would make mincemeat of me if he found me here.

“What’s the matter Alex? You’ve gone rather quiet and look worried now.”

“I really hate you Mulder. You know that he’d kill me too.”

“Yeah whatever. Look I’ll take you to the bathroom and then get you some food.”

“Gee I can’t wait, it may surprise you Mulder but I can use the bathroom on my own.”

“Well it’s plain and simple, I don’t trust you to behave. Shit you just put a fuckin gun to your head Alex, even worse was the fact you even pulled the trigger!”

“Yeah well it’s a shame some fucker had to remove the bullets…”

“Well I assure you that you won’t get that chance again, I’ll be cuffing your hands in front of you so behave yourself.”

Mulder came right near me and released my arm knowing I couldn’t use it, within seconds he had it re cuffed in front of me. Fuck then he pulled the sheet back so I could get out of bed, that was when I realized that half of my bloody clothes were missing. I guarantee that Mulder would pay for this one way or another, the man had gone way too far this time.

XXXXXXXXXX

I watched as the emotions flickered across his gorgeous face, I had to admit I’d never seen Alex look so small and lost.

“Is there something wrong Alex?”

Great it looked like I’d be receiving the silent treatment for now, for once Alex actually behaved and went into the bathroom.

“I’ll stand by the door and wait for you so behave, that or next time I’ll be forced to help you.”

“Don’t you dare come near me Mulder now or ever, lay a hand on me and I’ll kill you real slow and painfully.”

“Grow up Alex, you would have shot me if you wanted me dead.”

Soon I had Alex back in the bedroom, the trouble was he was just standing defiantly beside the bed and refused to get in when I asked him.

“Alex just get the fuck in, believe me you wouldn’t want me to make you do it.”

“Undo the cuffs Mulder, come on how about we have a fair fight?”

I knew that Alex was trying his hardest to bait me, the man had been a stubborn bastard since day one. I never even wasted my breath by answering him, instead I walked towards him and shoved him backwards onto the bed.

“Stay the fuck there…”

I watched him and made sure he never moved, I then went into the draw to retrieve something. Shit suddenly the man had a wild look on his face, he also then started yelling at me.

“I’m not a fuckin animal, shit Mulder you can’t do this to me!”

“Alex shut the fuck up or else…”

“Or else what, shit you’re already destroying what’s left of me Mulder.”

I sat over him and had him pinned to the bed, I then wrapped the chain I had around the headboard.

“Look this way you’ll be able to have some freedom, look Alex it’s either me or Skinner that you deal with. So, what’s it to be Alex, hey or maybe I could even give Spender a call?”

“I fuckin hate you Mulder…”

“No, you don’t and later I’ll prove it to you.”

Alex lay there while I unfastened one wrist, I then linked the cuff through the chain.

“Look now you only have to have one hand restrained, also the chain will allow you to reach the bathroom on your own.”

I had to get the hell out of here and take a cold shower, this close to his body was highly frustrating to say the least.

“Mulder what do you want from me?”

“I want to know what happened to you at fifteen, also where my father and Spender fit in too.”

“If I tell you everything will you let me leave?”

“Maybe, hell I’m not sure at the moment…”

“Why the hell not?”

“You are still suicidal Alex.”

“What’s it matter to you Mulder, I’m sure you’d be rather pleased if I were dead and out of your life!”

“Because I care.”

“Now I know you’re totally full of shit, you hate me more than anyone else you know Mulder.”

“I don’t hate you, dislike at times yes. Maybe if you explained yourself and told me the truth, shit Alex I have feelings for you and need you to understand them.”

“You’re a fuckin liar, get the hell away from me Mulder…”

I decided it might be a good idea to give him some space, I knew that Alex didn’t believe anything that I said to him right now. Well maybe it was time I went for that cold shower, preferably before Alex noticed how turned on I am.

XXXXXXXXXX

I lay there on the bed thinking of a way out of this mess, not that I could even get out of this room at the moment. Mulder had gone and I could hear the shower running, in some ways it was good and gave me time to think.

Finally I gave up trying to think or do anything, just the thought of Mulder naked in the shower sent my brain into overdrive. Sometime later I finally heard the shower shut off, I knew Mulder would be in the room soon and I had to get my act together.

Shit my resolve fell apart when the man entered the bedroom, Mulder walked over to the draw that was beside the bed. It wasn’t the fact he was looking for something that bothered me, it was the fact that the man was stood there naked without even a towel.

I ignored him and turned the other way, well as far as I could without falling off the bed. I listened as Mulder rummaged through the draw and then closed it, then I felt the cover disappear as Mulder pulled it back.

“Mulder what the fuck are you doing?”

“Going to sleep, why do you have a problem with that too Alex?”

“You’re not sleeping in here, hell especially when you’re naked Mulder!”

“We’re both adults Alex, look I swear that I’ll stay away from you.”

“Too fuckin right you will, like in a different room would be a good start.”

“Well tough luck, you’d better just accept the fact that I’m staying here.”

I lay still as Mulder ignored me and climbed into the bed, he then turned off the lamp and pulled the cover over us. As for me I lay here unable to breathe, my chest felt heavy and I knew I’d have a full-blown panic attack too.

“Hey Alex breathe, come on are you alright?”

“Fuck off Mulder, like you give a shit about me.”

“Alex you know that you want me, let me make love to you and show you how good it could be between us.”

“Get the fuck away from me…”

Mulder moved even closer and placed his arm across my chest, that was when I reached breaking point and knew this had to end. Suddenly I started screaming, I never even stopped until Mulder slapped my face hard.

“Alex…”

“Leave me alone.”

“You won’t let anyone be on top of you will you, shit you think that everyone’s the same and wants to hurt you.”

“No man will ever touch me like that again, not even you Mulder.”

“So you want to be on top, okay I guess that I can live with that for now.”

“What the fuck? I don’t want to be on top or even have sex with you Mulder…”

“You’re a liar Alex.”

“Why is it that you think you know me so well, what the hell makes you think I want you sexually Mulder?”

Mulder never answered as he got out of bed, at first I thought he’d given up and was going to leave me alone. Instead he went into a draw and removed a bag from inside, he then held it up and tipped the contents onto the bed in front of me.

I wanted the bed to swallow me up, would Mulder use what he had to get his revenge on me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Suddenly Alex looked really sick and as pale as a ghost, before I could say anything he started moaning and moving closer to the headboard.

“Alex calm down.”

“Where the fuck did you get those Mulder!”

“From where you left them, in the draw beside your bed in your apartment.”

“How the hell did you find out where I live?”

“I had the gunmen track you down, wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be to find you.”

“So, you just let yourself in and helped yourself to my stuff?”

“Alex you do it to me all the time and how can you say it’s your stuff anyway? Shit it’s a video and photos of me jerking off, I guess you kept it from the many times you did surveillance on me.”

“Maybe I kept them to use as blackmail.”

“You don’t fool me at all Alex…”

“It means nothing.”

“So, explain the other items that were in the draw then, just remember who you’re talking to before you answer!”

“Personal use Mulder, shit it’s my fuckin bedroom…”

“So, it’s normal then to keep the lube and one of my tee shirts there, alongside the video and photos?”

“I’ve told you that it means nothing.”

“Why can’t you just admit that you like me Alex?”

“I’m not stupid Mulder, get me to say shit so you can use it against me.”

“Is that what you think all this is Alex…”

“I know you Mulder, I also know exactly how you feel about me too.”

Great suddenly I felt like I were going in circles, not that I could blame Alex with the past we shared.

Alex I’ve liked you for a long time, I guess I also tried to make myself hate you too.”

“You care, you have me chained here like a fuckin animal…”

“That’s for your safety Alex and nothing more.”

“Go to hell Mulder, I’m sick of all your bullshit and sick of all this!”

“Alex just let me show you then, or are you scared of letting me in?”

“I’ll break your neck if you touch me, just stay the fuck away from me and let me go.”

I sat back down on the bed beside Alex, I then ran my thumb along his sexy bottom lip. I now noticed how he’d closed his eyes but hadn’t pulled away, even his breathing was becoming heavy and erratic.

It was then that I decided to push my luck even further, I had to get Alex to open up to me. I replaced my thumb with my lips, I then kissed him with everything I had until he responded.

Alex even parted his lips making way for my tongue, then suddenly everything went so horribly wrong. Alex pulled back and started hitting me, he then started making some strange whimpering noises.

“Alex…”

Shit he moved as far into the corner as he could get, he then sat there all hunched up with his head in his hands.

“Hey Alex, come on calm down and talk to me.”

It was like I wasn’t even there, the man just sat there rocking back and forth.

“Fine I’ll go and sleep on the couch, I really don’t want to hurt you anymore Alex.”

I got up and left the room, maybe alone Alex would calm down and return to the present time.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke the next morning and my body ached all over, well as expected I was still here in Mulders bed where he’d left me. I’d fallen asleep huddled in the corner of the bed, I was now tired cold and in desperate need for the toilet.

I suppose I should be grateful that the chain was long, at least I wouldn’t have to shout Mulder to come and help me. After a few minutes I finally managed to stand, I felt like Jacob Marley from Scrooge as I dragged my chain behind me.

Maybe with any luck Mulder had gone out, I knew it was a Saturday and chances are he wasn’t at work. I knew most weekends he went running in the morning, I knew because I’d followed him many times just so I could see him without him knowing.

Shit then I remembered the video and photos, how could I be so fuckin stupid to keep them. Mulder was defiantly no idiot that was for sure, I was the one that looked like an idiot for trying to deny everything when he asked.

Nothing would come of this when it was one sided, funny how Mulder claimed he wanted me after finding the video and having a way to take me apart. I went from being his number one enemy to what? Someone he now conveniently claims he has feelings for.

I knew a set up when I saw one as plenty of people have tried it with me, I just couldn’t get over the way he’d kissed me on the lips the night before. It had felt so good compared to all the men in the past, maybe it was because he was someone I wanted and it wasn’t a stranger.

I walked into the bathroom and straight into Mulder, well at least the man was wearing some underwear this time. I still had this urge to flee and run out of the room, I turned as fast as I could and tripped over the dumb ass chain.

“Hey Alex are you okay? Come on let me help you get up.”

“Don’t touch me Mulder…”

“Alex I won’t hurt you, I just want to help you and see where this goes.”

“It’ll end with me six feet under, Spender has an important meeting tonight and I have to be there!”

“What about?”

“Someone in the consortium’s a traitor, hell if I don’t show up Spender will presume it’s me. You see you’ve just pretty much served me with a death warrant, yet all you want to do is play happy families…”

“Alex just calm down, look I promise that you’ll be safe here with me.”

“Yeah right, like hell I will be Mulder.”

“Look just use the bathroom as I’ve finished now anyway, then you can come back in the bedroom and we’ll have a proper talk.”

“It won’t change anything Mulder.”

“Believe me a lot’s going to change, especially with regards to you and I.”

With that Mulder walked out leaving me alone, great all I had was a few minutes to get my head together before facing Mulder for a serious talk. I used the toilet and soon returned to the bedroom, Mulder was already sat there in a chair waiting for me to join him.

I scurried over and onto the bed as fast as I could, I then made sure I pulled the cover right up to my chin. I knew this was going to be sheer torture, having Mulder sat in front of me pretending that he really did want me. Especially as I’d wanted the man from the first day I met him, Mulder was a secret fantasy that I had and didn’t want anyone to know about it either.

XXXXXXXXXX

I sat there rather amused as I watched Alex cover himself up, I had to admit that I loved this part of the man. Alex had always had to act cold and hard towards everything, to be honest he looked like a small frightened child right now.

I guess I got to see just how vulnerable he really was, underneath the man deserved to be wanted and loved like anyone else. Not that I got to see that side of him for long, within seconds of noticing me watch him he became cold once more.

“What the fuck are you looking at Mulder?”

“You Alex, why do you have a problem with me looking at you?”

“I don’t like it when people stare at me…”

“Alex you did really well the other day, you even managed to tell me all about your uncle and the childhood you had.”

“Yeah so what, hell maybe it was all a pack of lies to trick you!”

“Really, your own actions last night proved what you said was true. Shit you totally zoned out on me last night, all that was because I kissed you.”

“Just leave me alone Mulder, look I’ll tell you what you want if you swear you’ll let me go afterwards.”

“Fine but I want you to start from when you were fifteen, you’d reached the part where your uncle was going to force you to become a rent boy.”

“You wouldn’t believe me Mulder, you’d blame it all on me once more and start beating me again.”

“Try me Alex, it’s not like you have any other choices on the table is it…”

“Fine have it your way, just give me a minute to think where to start.”

I watched as Alex sat playing with the edge of the cover, I had a feeling his life had become far worse before he even met Spender.

“I spent three years on the streets, most of that time was spent having men abuse me and constantly beat me. The clients paid good money so they could treat me as they wanted, the only rule was that I was to be left useable for the next client.

There was this one man who liked causing me more pain than anyone else, he got off on the fact I was young and he could abuse and humiliate me. After a while the man was to become a regular client, yet over time it took more pain to get him turned on.

In the end the man started paying more so he could keep me for a few days, that way he could really hurt me and my uncle didn’t care.

“God I’m so sorry Alex.”

“Listen to my whole story Mulder, then you can tell me how sorry you feel for me.”

I knew this was hard for him so I became quiet and let him continue, I could never imagine having to live the life he had.

“He had this thing for making me scream, he beat or whipped me on many occasions. Hell, he had my tied to the bed while he fucked me with various objects, he would force large things as far into my ass as he could get them.

Then one day he went too far, I don’t remember that much apart from the pain. He literally tore my insides apart, after that he beat me to a pulp and left me to die. I guess by that point I was totally out of it, I woke later to find myself alone and in agony in some private clinic.

Later on, an old man came to see me, even in the hospital the man still smoked like a fuckin chimney.”

Shit suddenly my blood ran cold, I guess this was the part where Spender became part of his life.

“He introduced himself to me, he said that he wanted to discuss the man that had committed this horrendous crime against me.”

I bet it was so easy for Spender to manipulate Alex, he would be just another porn to use and then discard afterwards.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shit I really didn’t think I could go through all this again, especially with Mulder when this was closer to home than he knew.

“Hey Alex… are you still with me?”

“Yeah sorry. Look it’s just hard talking about it that’s all.”

“All I ask is that you try, I take it that was the point where you met Spender?”

“Yeah and he offered to take care of me, he also said that he could deal with both my uncle and abuser.”

“Yeah I bet that came with a price, Spender only ever does something if it benefits him.”

“I had to work for him, I didn’t even know what he did at the time.”

“So how did you feel about it later on?”

“I outright refused, however by that time I was well and truly fucked. Spender took care of my uncle, he’d arranged for someone to kill him so he’d never be able to hurt me again.”

“Shit I bet you hadn’t expected Spender to go that far?”

“No I thought he’d just warn him, however I was to find out why he had my uncle killed. Spender had planted my D.N.A on the body, I either worked for Spender or went to prison for murder…”

“So that wasn’t your fault, you were left with no choice other than to work for him.”

“Yeah it was, you see I was willing to accept whatever he did. I just knew that I didn’t want to work for a man like him.”

“What! So, you would have rather gone to prison?”

“Yeah Mulder I was willing to take my chances, however Spender was pissed off bigtime when he found out. Later I was told that I had to go see him in his office, I told him I’d be there but I wouldn’t change my mind.

Later my world fell apart as I entered his office, I was pathetic and weak when I was to be faced with my final choice…”

“Shit Alex, what the hell did Spender do to you?”

“There in his office sat my abuser, the man who’d raped and abused me for three years of my life.”

“Well I take it that Spender never dealt with him then, the bastard would do it so he could control you.”

“Mulder I was to be given one final choice, shit I couldn’t live through that kind of pain again… I could work for Spender, that or he’d hand me over to my abuser to do as he pleased.”

“No one would expect you to suffer like that, shit the man had beat you and then left you to die.”

“He was one of them Mulder.”

“One of who?”

“A member of the consortium, Spender assured me he’d never touch me again if I worked for them. Apparently, he’d be assassinated if he so much as looked at me, shit Mulder I never wanted to become a cold-blooded killer…”

“It wasn’t your fault Alex, they all manipulated you and used you for their own needs.”

“I’m so sorry, shit I couldn’t even live having to see his face every day. I killed him because of what he’d done to me and could do again, shit Mulder that’s the reason why I had to kill your father…”

I saw the look of understanding on his face, it was only a few seconds later that his fist connected with my own face.

XXXXXXXXXX

I had to get the hell out of here, right now I wanted to be nowhere near that lying manipulative bastard. Alex Krycek was poison and I hated him, also right now I wanted the man dead. I’d punched him without even thinking, I guess it was from the many years we’d spent as enemies.

I grabbed my jacket and keys, maybe some time to think would help as I knew I’d end my career if I killed him. More than anything I wanted to get drunk and forget all that had just happened, I decided to be safe and flagged down a cab.

So here I was getting pissed and it wasn’t even noon, not that I gave a shit who saw me here and in this state. I tried so hard not to think about the man I’d left chained to my bed, also bleeding once more from my fist.

Shit was my father really capable of doing that to a kid, also why would Alex need to lie when he’d already admitted to killing him. I thought back to my own childhood with my father, how he was towards myself and my mother. Then I thought about the many business trips, sometimes he was gone for a week at a time.

My father always came back tired and had no interest in us, he claimed that he was the man of the house and had worked really hard while he was away. Could he really have left us to have sex with a kid, oh shit then there was my mother to take into consideration too.

I remained where I was and drank plenty more, once I was totally drunk it seemed like a perfect time to give my mother a call.

“Mum it’s Fox.”

“It’s been a while, how are you doing Fox?”

“I need you to answer some questions for me.”

“Regarding what Fox?”

“My father.”

“Please just let your father rest in peace, you don’t need to drag up the past Fox.”

“Mum I can’t just let it drop, you see some disturbing pictures have turned up and a man’s life depends on your answers.”

“What sort of pictures Fox?”

“Look did my father have a sexual relationship, one with another man?”

“I take it that was what the photos were of then… how can I deny what he did if you have proof Fox?”

“Mom you knew all about this and what he did!”

“Your father was a very dominant man Fox, yet he would never hit a woman. I guess that he felt like he could let go with a man, maybe as he was more a physical match.”

“Holy shit I really don’t want to think about it, he raped and abused a fuckin fifteen-year-old and then left him for dead!”

“Look you sound rather drunk Fox, I’ve had enough and I’m ending this call right now…”

I never even got to say another word to her, I bet she’d hung up because she’d known all along what he was capable of. My whole life felt like it was based on nothing but a lie, well it looked like it was time to go home and face the music.

I let myself into my apartment and locked the door behind me, it was then that I realized it was really quiet. Maybe Alex had found a way to remove the cuffs, well that or he was asleep.

I crept in to the bedroom as quiet as I could possibly be, shit I was far too drunk to even know what time it was or how long I’d left him alone. Well it was starting to get dark once more, I’d left the man here alone for hours without food or water.

I could see that he was curled up in the bed, even in the dim light I could see the bruise forming on his face that I’d caused. I noticed that he was snoring lightly and was fast asleep, I stripped down to my boxers and climbed into bed beside the sleeping man.

I was drunk and really tired from the day I’d had, I knew sleep wouldn’t be a problem tonight. I closed my eyes and started to drift into a deep sleep, well that was until Alex started screaming as loud as he could.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke up as I could feel something had changed inside the bedroom, I guess that was one instinct that had kept me alive for many years. I always knew when I was no longer alone, it was at that moment I realized that Mulder had returned.

After my earlier revelation I knew this wasn’t good, well for me it would just mean more pain and suffering. I couldn’t stand it just lying here waiting, if he wanted to hit me I wanted it over and done with. I called his name yet received no reply, that was when I started screaming at him to wake up.

“Jesus Alex there’s no need to scream like that, my head’s already pounding like it’s going to explode.”

Oh shit, I could smell the alcohol the minute he opened his mouth. A drunk Mulder was someone I didn’t want to be around, I’d been there and done that so to speak.

“You’ve been drinking Mulder!”

“So, what’s it matter to you Alex?”

“Shit I can’t sleep here in this bed when you’re drunk!”

“Why the hell not, shit what’s your problem now Alex?”

“One drunk Mulder was enough to deal with, it had always ended bad for me when your father was drunk.”

“Shit you make it sound like I’m planning to rape you or something!”

My blood ran cold and I just froze, it was like going back in time to when I was fifteen.

“Oh god I can’t believe I just said that, Alex I’m…”

“Shut the fuck up.”

I had to get out of here and away from Mulder, not that I could leave or even had anywhere to go.

“Just drop it Mulder, look I’m off to use the bathroom.”

“Do you want any help?”

“For fucks sake Mulder…”

“Shit I can’t say anything right at the moment!”

“You’re drunk Mulder, look just sleep it off and leave me the hell alone.”

I got out of bed and dragged the chain behind me once more, I went and sat on the toilet lid so I could be away from Mulder. At this rate I’d go mad if I stayed here, deep down I wanted Mulder and knew he was different from his father.

Then there were times when I couldn’t be around him, right now he just reminded me of Bill Mulder. Maybe it was because he’d always hurt me far more when he was drunk, he’d also kept me restrained like a fuckin animal too.

Bill Mulder never allowed me the luxury of a chain though, he even made me beg if I wanted to use the bathroom. In the early days I’d refuse outright to beg him for anything, yet all I got for that was a severe beating. It made me wonder if he ever hit Fox when he was a kid, at the end of the day I was only few years younger than his son.

I knew my head would explode if I kept thinking like this, shit I already had a bad enough headache as it was. I stood up and then went and opened the medicine cabinet, maybe Mulder would have some form of pain killers in here

Great Mulder stocked up on medicine the same way he did food, the man never even had the bare necessities in life. I was so pissed off as I slammed the cabinet shut, I then couldn’t help myself as I punched the mirror as hard as I could.

Most of the glass fell into the sink below, however I became mesmerized by all the reflective pieces. I guess the mirror represented me in some ways, totally fragile and all broken up. I stared at the pieces and saw another resemblance to me; the mirror was also beyond fixing just as I was.

I put my hand in the sink and grabbed one of the long shards, I then just stood there with the glass pressed against my wrist.

XXXXXXXXXX

I lay there as I felt Alex leave the bed, I knew I must be the biggest idiot walking saying what I did to him. Alex was so broken inside and all I was doing was making it worse, I was starting to think he’d only ever see me as my father was.

After a few minutes I heard a loud crash from the bathroom, despite the alcohol I could still move fast. Alex hadn’t been able to lock the bathroom door, well at least that was one advantage to him wearing the chain.

I rushed in and found him just stood there, it was then that the light reflected on the broken glass he held against his wrist. Oh god no, one false move and I knew Alex was capable in his frame of mind.

“Alex…”

I received no answer whatsoever, it was like Alex hadn’t even acknowledged that I was in the room.

“Alex, hey come on talk to me.”

I edged closer and closer to the vulnerable man, it was only as I got near that he spoke to me.

“Get the fuck away from me…”

“Alex, I swear that I won’t hurt you.”

“How dare you stand there and say that, shit you fuckin beat and raped me!”

Great so Alex did only see my father, if the man was alive I’d kill him myself for what he’d done to Alex. God, he had been so young, hell my father was a bigger monster than I thought possible.

“Alex it’s me Fox.”

“Fox…”

“Yeah put down the glass and we can talk.”

“You’re just trying to trick me Mulder.”

“Alex I just want to help you, look at me and you’ll see I’m not Bill Mulder.”

Suddenly Alex lifted his head and looked at me, my heart broke when I saw the expression upon his gorgeous face.

“Fox is it really you?”

“Yeah it’s me.”

I was surprised when he dropped the glass into the sink, hell even more surprised when he suddenly threw his arms around me.

“Come on let’s get you back into bed.”

I walked back into the bedroom with Alex, however he now refused to let go of me and started whimpering.

“Alex lay down, look I’ll lay with you if it’s what you really want…”

“Don’t leave me Fox, please I don’t want to be on my own anymore.”

“I’m right here Alex and I promise I’ll never leave you alone again.”

The minute we lay down Alex moved back into my arms, I lay there holding the trembling man and stroking his hair.

“You’re safe now Alex, no one will ever touch you again like that.”

“Fox you can have sex with me, I’ll let you if it’s what you want…”

“Alex you’re worth far more than that, I’m not my father and refuse to use you like that.”

“But you’ve made it clear that you want me.”

“Yeah, I also want you one hundred percent willing, I also want it to be something you want too Alex. I want you to enjoy what we do together, I want you so turned on that you’ll beg me for more.”

“That might never happen Fox…”

“I’ll wait Alex, I was always so stupid and blind when it came to you. Shit it took you to hold a gun to your head, only then did I realize how much you mean to me.”

Alex snuggled even closer to me, after a while I heard his deep breathing as he fell asleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke sometime later and felt really strange, I could feel someone holding me and was afraid to even open my eyes. After a while I knew it was stupid as I had little choice in the matter, one way or another I had to know who it was.

I let my eyes slowly open and was scared of what I might see, it was then that I fully opened them and saw Fox Mulder beside me. Shit I remembered the bathroom and what I’d done with the mirror, god the man hadn’t even objected when I’d used his dreaded first name.

I loved the man and this was killing me, also to top it off a certain part of my anatomy was reacting to his close proximity. Fuck now was not the time for any of this, if I didn’t move Fox would know just how much I wanted him.

It was then that I realized that Mulder was wide awake and watching me, I knew that I’d have to pull myself away from his warm inviting body.

“Alex it’s me…”

“Yeah I know, I just don’t want you near me Mulder.”

“I’m not my father Alex, I told you last night that I won’t hurt you.”

“They all say that Mulder.”

“Alex please listen to me.”

I scrambled back to the corner of the bed where I felt safe, not that it would help if someone did want to hurt me though.

“Get the fuck away from me Mulder.”

“Do I have to repeat myself to you again, please Alex just let me hold you…”

I could see the tears and knew I was hurting him, I just knew that deep down I couldn’t give him what he wanted.

“I love you Mulder and that’s why this won’t work.”

“Alex please at…”

Shit it was then that I heard loads of loud banging, it didn’t take long to realize that someone was breaking in to the apartment.

“Stay here Alex and be quiet.”

“Ha, like I can even go anywhere.”

Mulder grabbed his gun and left me alone in the bedroom, if anything happened I’d be trapped here with no weapon. I could hear the raised voices and knew one of them belonged to Spender, I could hear him telling Mulder to put his gun down and no one would get hurt.

After a few minutes everything became really quiet, it was then that the bedroom door suddenly opened. I prayed that it was Mulder yet deep down I knew it would be that cancerous bastard.

“Hello Alex dear boy, it’s a shame that you never attended the meeting I’d arranged.”

“It’s not what you think Spender.”

“Somehow I didn’t think it would be.”

“Shit does it look like I could come, Mulder overpowered me and then chained me to the bed.”

“You seem to attract Mulder and his family like flies, they also have a thing for keeping you restrained too.”

“You fuckin bastard…”

Fuck suddenly Spender backhanded me across the face, within seconds he’d split my lip open.

“You’d be wise not to push me Alex, especially as you’ll be leaving here with me.”

I watched as Spender pulled a key from his pocket, he then came over to the bed and just stood there in front of me.

“When I release you you’ll behave, I want you to walk out of here calmly or else.”

“Or else what? I’m not scared of you Spender.”

“You behave or I’ll put a bullet in Mulders pretty head, don’t doubt me on this either Alex.”

I knew exactly what Spender was capable of, he’d put a bullet in Mulder just to piss me off. I now knew that I was trapped with no way out, I also knew that Spender would torture me once he had me back.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was not happy in the slightest, I despised Spender more than any other person on this planet. I’d been forced to sit there on my own couch, Spender had two goons to watch over me and make sure I obeyed too.

Spender had even demanded the key off me for the chain that held Alex, shit it was then that I remembered what Alex had told me. There was to be a meeting, anyone who didn’t attend would be presumed a traitor.

It was at that moment Spender walked out of the bedroom, he was also pulling Alex along by the chain. I knew I couldn’t just sit here and say nothing, if I did Alex would die because of me.

“Spender let him go.”

“Why would you want me to do that Agent Mulder?”

“I have some unfinished business with him first.”

“Business of what nature?”

“The bastard admitting to killing my father and I want revenge.”

“That I can understand Agent Mulder, however Alex here belongs to me and only me.”

“I need to know why he killed my father, look all I want is ten more minutes with him that’s all.”

“Don’t worry as you don’t need Alex for that, not when I can answer that question myself.”

“Go on then Spender tell me, I’m all ears.”

“Alex here was your fathers’ whore, yet the idiot went and fell in love with Bill Mulder. Your father got sick of him and threw him out, Alex was just to become an ex-lover with a grudge.”

“No Fox please don’t believe him…”

“Shut up Alex or else, you will be dealt with soon enough.”

I could hear the pain in Alex’s’ voice and knew Spender was lying, yet I knew I’d have to keep up my act to protect Alex.

“You’d say anything Krycek, I know you killed my father and that’s all that matters.”

“Agent Mulder I take it that you’re unaware of the feelings Alex has for you?”

“What feelings?”

“It would appear that Alex here has a crush on you, you should be grateful that I’m willing to deal with the unfortunate matter…”

All I could do was watch as Alex held back the tears, the man was now broken beyond belief. Spender stood there and lit up another cigarette, it was only then that he started barking out orders to everyone.

“You two can keep Agent Mulder restrained, as for you two get out of here and take Alex with you.”

I couldn’t do a damn thing as Alex was led away, I couldn’t even tell him how much I love him. It was then that Spender pulled out a syringe, he then held it up and checked for any air bubbles. Well at least he must not want me dead, deep down I was scared that it was a truth serum or something.

“You two hold him really tight.”

“What the fuck is it, don’t you fuckin touch me Spender.”

“It’s only a muscle relaxant, don’t worry we’ll be long gone by the time it wears off.”

“I’ll fuckin kill you all, every fuckin last one of you.”

“Big words Agent Mulder.”

Soon I wasn’t even left with the strength to talk, also within a couple of minutes I was left sat there all alone. Now all I could do was wait for the drug to wear off, I knew the search for Alex was going to be a near impossible task.

XXXXXXXXXX

I had to wonder how my life just went from bad to worse all the time, I’d never forget the last words that Mulder had spoken to me. I know you killed my father Alex, the question was whether he believed why I’d done it. That or did he believe Spender instead, like hell was I Bill Mulders ex-lover.

My head swam as I was forced into a car, I tried so hard to think of possible ways out of this mess. Would Spender want me dead or alive this time, shit would Mulder even want me if I managed to survive this?

Mulder had said he loved me and would be patient, I was suddenly brought out of my thoughts as Spender returned. The man got into the car and calmly sat opposite me, the bastard even lit a cigarette before he bothered speaking to me.

“Well Alex dear boy here we are again, you seem to have a thing for getting on the wrong side of me.”

“I haven’t even done anything!”

“You missed my very important meeting Alex, where we also discussed what would happen to the traitor.”

“I could hardly get there when Mulder had me chained, hell you can’t hold that against me.”

“I can and I will Alex, you see you disobeyed my orders anyway.”

“What?”

“You were warned to stay away from Agent Mulder, you will be paying for that alone Alex.”

Shit I really didn’t want to ask how I’d pay, yet the stubborn part of me had to know what he planned. Well I always was opening my big mouth, in a way I guess Spender was expecting it of me. He sat there just grinning at me, fuck how I hated it when he looked at me in that way.

“Any questions Alex?”

“What are you going to do to me?”

“All in good time dear boy, another few minutes and we’ll have reached the location.”

Within ten minutes the car slowed and came to a stop, my heart started to beat fast and I wanted to scream out loud. It was a fuckin consortium lab, I’d been here in the past and knew what they did inside there.

It was like a house of horrors, I knew that I’d be very lucky if I ever saw daylight again. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, in all honesty I was far more petrified than I’d ever been before.

“You appear a little on edge Alex.”

“What do you want from me Spender? “

“Just a few tests Alex, if you behave I might even let you live afterwards.”

I knew that it was highly unlikely, I also knew that he’d make me suffer in ways I never thought possible once I was inside.

XXXXXXXXXX

I had to spend the next two hours totally unable to move, god I felt so relieved when the feelings started to return once more. I moved as soon as I were able, the first thing I did was grab my phone and call Scully.

“Hi Scully, it’s me Mulder.”

“What’s up Mulder?”

“I had a visitor, he was in the form of our smoking friend.”

“What did he want with you Mulder? I thought that you were at home today…”

“Yeah he paid me a home visit, also it wasn’t me he wanted.”

“So why did he call then?”

“He wanted Alex Krycek.”

“What, you had him at your place?”

I held my breath for a few seconds, finally I decided to just bite the bullet and get it over with.

“I was still trying to help him deal with his past, he needs professional help Scully.”

“That’s not up to you Mulder, if Spender has him you’ve done all you could for him.”

“It’s more than that Scully!”

“In what way?”

Oh well here goes, she’d either remain my friend or despise me.

“I have really strong feelings for him Scully…”

“You’re really starting to worry me Mulder.”

“Scully please don’t make me spell it out.”

“Fine okay, however there’s still nothing you can do for him Mulder.”

“I’m going to have a word with Skinner in the morning.”

“What for?”

“I need his help to find Spender, also I need to find out a few things about Dimitri Krycek too.”

“I thought you’d done all that.”

“I searched about his life and what he’d done, yet I never searched about anything relating to his death.”

“So what is it that you hope to find Mulder?”

“Anything at all that says how he was murdered, it could give me a clue as to how they set Alex up.”

“They must have evidence of some sort.”

“That’s why I need to find out about his murder, see if anyone was questioned including witnesses.”

“Fine I’ll see you in the morning, do you want me to come with you to visit Skinner?”

“No I’ll be okay, I’ll go there first and then see you in the basement.”

I thanked Scully for her help and for listening, I then decided to get some sleep so I was ready for anything come morning. It was as I entered the bedroom that I finally broke down, there on the dresser was his jeans and leather jacket.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was led into the building by Spenders goons, I knew as I was unarmed it was pointless fighting them.

“Remove his clothes and then take him into the examination room, the good doctor will be along shortly Alex so behave yourself.”

I was placed in this cold sterile room, they even removed what little clothing I still wore from Mulders. Great now I was given a stupid hospital gown to wear, I hated having to wear something that left me feeling so vulnerable.

“Good day Mr Krycek.”

At first I hadn’t even noticed the man enter, however I knew it wouldn’t be too long until the pain would start.

“Who the hell are you?”

“My names of no concern to you, however I’m the one that will be taking care of you for the foreseeable future.”

“Great I can’t wait…”

“The gentlemen here will restrain you before they leave, I have it on Spenders say so that you’re not to be trusted.”

“Whatever.”

I was led over towards an examination table and forced to get on it, I was then told to hold out my arms. Within seconds I gave one of them a broken nose, I was not willing to give in without a fight.

“Lay the fuck down Krycek…”

I turned to face the other goon who’d spoke, my plan had been to punch him in the face too. It was then I found myself staring down the barrel of his gun, without even thinking I kicked out and connected with his groin.

“You bastard, I swear you’ll pay for that.”

Those were the last words I remembered, next thing I knew where his fists upon my body until I blacked out. I woke sometime later and looked around, shit I was still in the lab and also restrained too.

I lay on the examination table like some sacrifice, my arms and legs were strapped down with strong leather straps. I knew there was no way out now, I’d had my chance and blown it big time.

Shit it was then that I realized I wasn’t alone, I knew who was here as all I could smell was cigarette smoke.

“Nice to see you awake, I knew you wouldn’t give in so easy Alex.”

“You’ve got me here so just get on with it, come on do your worst Spender…”

“Oh, don’t worry dear boy you will see my worst, however first we need to heal all the wounds you’ve received as of late.”

“What!”

I knew that I was sore from the beating, yet it wasn’t like Spender to offer help willingly.

“I will be bringing Jeramiah Smith in here, he will have orders to make sure you’re fully healed.”

“I don’t understand…”

“Afterwards we will be able to begin with the tests.”

Suddenly I felt really sick, I knew the only tests done here caused severe pain and suffering.

XXXXXXXXXX

I begrudgingly got up and out of bed, right now it was only thought of finding Alex that was keeping me going. I drove to work hoping I could find out something and soon, once there I decided to go straight to the fourth floor.

It turned out that Skinner was on the phone at present, his secretary Kimberly told me I could take a seat and wait if it was important I see him now. The trouble was I hated having to wait with nothing to do, I ended up really restless and started pacing up and down instead.

Finally, Kimberly told me I could go in as he’d see me now, ha not that Skinner looked too pleased having to deal with me right now.

“What can I do for you Agent Mulder?”

“I just wondered if you’ve seen Spender at all?”

“Why? What’s it to you Agent Mulder…”

“Look I’m just trying to locate Alex Krycek.”

“Dare I even ask what’s going on as you know he’s a wanted felon.”

“Sir, you know that we have no evidence to charge him with anything. Everything we have is just circumstantial at best, however right now the man’s life is in real danger!”

“I still don’t see what concern of yours it is, I thought that you hated the man with a passion?”

“So did I Sir, however he came to me and was desperate for help. Alex has a very colourful past, it was Spender who forced him to become the man we know today.”

“Well I could believe anything when it comes down to Spender, however you’re a federal agent and still should be nowhere near the man.”

“Look it’s not just Alex, that bastard came into my own home and drugged me.”

“Who Krycek?”

“No Spender…”

“What did he drug you with Mulder?”

“A muscle relaxant so he could get away without me following, I really don’t appreciate what he did Sir.”

“I can well believe that, however I have no idea where someone like Spender could be. You are well aware that the man turns up when it suits him, also he could have taken Krycek anywhere by now.”

“Yeah true, I just thought it was worth a try.”

“Look Agent Mulder I can understand how you feel, the best I can do is message you if he turns up.”

“I’d really appreciate that Sir.”

“Very well, now I’d be grateful if you could get the reports finished Agent Mulder.”

“Yes Sir, I’ll go and get right on it.”

“Make sure you do.”

I left Skinners office and returned to the basement, now I had to do all the damn reports on top of everything else. Not that I’d be in a rush though, there were some things I had to check out first.

XXXXXXXXXX

I lay there as the alien healer was brought into the room, he was then literally forced to sit on a chair beside the examination table.

“The good doctor here will get Jeramiah to heal you Alex, don’t worry though as I’ll make sure I’m back for the fun part.”

I didn’t even bother answering Spender as he left the room, at the moment I was more concerned just watching what the healer was doing. In all honesty I didn’t want him anywhere near me, I’d heard people say that the healing process could be painful at times.

It was then that I noticed the healer was watching me, maybe Jeramiah could see the fear upon my face.

“Alex please listen to me…”

“What, why the fuck can’t everyone just leave me the hell alone?”

“All of your wounds are minor, I promise you that this will not hurt you Alex. I have no choice and have to do as Spender says, I have nothing whatsoever against you so please let me do this for both our sakes!”

“Fine just get on with it then.”

Jeramiah placed his hands upon my chest, within seconds a warm heat slowly spread through my body. I was surprised as it felt really soothing, within minutes he’d healed all the small cuts and bruises.

“How do you feel now Alex?”

“Really good actually, so good it worries me what will happen next!”

“I’m sorry as I have no idea what they have planned for you.”

It was then that the doctor came over towards us, he then led Jeramiah out of the room and I was left alone once more. I knew that nothing good ever lasted, it was as the door re opened I noticed Spender enter the room once more.

The man just stood there grinning at me, I despised this man as much as I did Bill Mulder and my uncle. I prayed that one day someone would wipe that smug grin from his face, in all honesty the only thing better would be if I got to do it myself.

“Alex dear boy how do you feel, are you ready to have some fun now.”

“Go fuck yourself Spender…”

“Brave words Alex, well I assure you that it will all change for you soon enough.”

“I don’t care, go get your goon to do their worst.”

“Not yet Alex, you see first I want some personal time with you.”

“Fuckin great, what did I do to deserve your personal attention?”

Spender never spoke as he leant over me, it did make me wonder just what the man was up to now. He reached behind my neck until he found the straps that held the gown in place, once untied he wasted no time pulling it down.

“Soon I was laid there with my bare chest exposed to him, well at least I was thankful he’d left certain parts of my body covered up. Then all thoughts fled as he grabbed hold of something from behind him, it was then that I saw the red-hot soldering iron that he held.

XXXXXXXXXX

I decided to look up Dimitri Krycek once more, I wanted to know how the man died and if a weapon was used or something to link Alex. There would have to be some sort of report or other out there, especially as Spender said he had evidence to incriminate Alex.

I soon realized that I couldn’t find anything at all regarding his death, I did notice however that some of the files were blocked. Most links just said access denied, in the end I decided to type in Alex Krycek once more. It appeared that someone was blocking the files and most were now gone, I was getting pissed off as some were there only a couple of days ago.

It was like someone knew I was looking and getting rid of all the evidence, well as soon as I was away from here I planned to call the gunmen. Deep down I trusted no one here other than Scully, it wouldn’t be the first time someone had bugged the basement either.

What the hell, I guess there was no time like the present. I decided to leave my office and grab a coffee as I was in need of it, also I’d make a quick call while I was there.

I told Scully that I had to pop out for a while, not that she seemed bothered or even questioned me. In the end I decided I’d go over there and see them in person, well they assured me if it was there they’d find it.

I didn’t have many friends, yet over the years I’d come to trust them with my life. I told them the year Dimitri would have died, also that it could possibly be a homicide too. Spender claimed he could link the death to Alex, the one thing I had to know was how the man had died.

It was now three days since Spender took Alex, I didn’t even know if the man was dead or alive now. Spender could be ruthless when he chose or someone pissed him off, also he had plenty more goons without Alex.

My flesh crawled at the thought of that cancerous bastard, well more at the thought of what he might do to Alex. God, I had to finish my coffee and get the hell out of here, sitting around made my brain work overtime and I felt like I was suffocating

I’d had very little to eat and even less sleep since Alex had gone, I decided to go back to the office and grab some files. I would then work from home, also I’d contemplate some food and sleep while I were there.

I was soon parked back in the Hoover garage, my head hurt and I felt like I wasn’t making any progress at all. It was then that I noticed Skinner, shit the bastard was stood there having an intimate conversation with Spender. Within second I was out of my car, I then ran over to where the pair stood.

XXXXXXXXXX

Oh shit Spender couldn’t really be serious, god of course he was serious as he got his kicks out of torturing people.

“You don’t appear to be as mouthy now, what’s up has the cat got your tongue Alex?”

I screamed as the tip of the hot metal rod touched my chest, it was only a few seconds and the pain was already horrendous. I wanted to throw up as the bastard did it a couple more times, shit I also wanted to throw up from the smell too.

I could smell burnt skin and hair, my fuckin skin and hair at that!

“Are you having fun yet Alex dear boy, as much as I could keep doing this it’s time to move on.”

My skin was already starting to form huge blisters, huge ugly lumps of puss and crap. The pain was well and truly agonizing already, yet I had to face the fact that Spender had only just begun my torture.

“Do you want all of this to end Alex, all you have to do is tell me why you betrayed me?”

“For fucks sake, I’ve already told you why I wasn’t there so what more can I say?”

“And you just expect me to take your word, you and Fox Mulder are as thick as thieves.”

“Believe what the fuck you want, the man had me there as a prisoner and chained up!”

“Alex don’t dare act all innocent with me, you are nothing but a thorn in my side and have gone against me at every turn.”

“Yeah well I didn’t choose to work for you…”

“I saved your life Alex, and this is how you decide to repay me.”

“Go to hell, nothing I say will change this outcome, I hate you and I hate everything you stand for.”

“I see, very well then we shall move on.”

I watched as Spender pushed a button on the intercom, he then spoke calmly without a care in the world despite what he’d done.

Can you please send in Luis, also tell him to make sure he has the item we discussed earlier?”

Now all I could do was wait once more, I knew it would be bad as Luis hated me and would take great pleasure in torturing me. Finally, the door opened and in walked Luis, I couldn’t help but notice he was carrying a canister of some kind.

“Nice to see you Luis, I’m sure I can leave Alex here in your capable hands.”

“Yes Sir, oh is there any restrictions that I should know about first?”

“None at all, feel free to do as you please and make sure Alex feels everything too.”

With that Spender turned and walked out, the trouble was Spender was a pussy cat compared to Luis. I prayed that he’d just kill me and end it all, however I knew it wouldn’t happen any time soon as pain was their main goal.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d never felt so angry in my life as I did right now, I hated the man and he’d always brought out the worst in me. I guess I was also pissed off that he was with Skinner of all people, and the fact they appeared to be getting on too.

I rushed up to them before they even saw me coming, I then wasted no time as I grabbed the cancerous bastard and spun him around to face me. I then held him by the throat as I pinned him against the wall, the look of shock on his face was priceless.

It felt good to have the bastard in my hands, maybe I might be able to get him to spill the beans after all.

“Agent Mulder what the hell are you doing?”

“Stay out of this Skinner, this is between myself and old Smokey here.”

“Agent Mulder I’m warning you…”

“Fuck you Skinner and fuck him.”

I pressed even harder upon the old bastards’ throat, I know longer even cared that he could hardly breathe. Shit within seconds all of that changed, suddenly I found myself in a choke hold. Skinner never let up whatsoever with the pressure against my throat, he was keeping me held in place so he could protect Spender!

“Let go of me Skinner…”

“No chance, calm down Agent Mulder and I might consider it.”

“You need to get your agent under control Skinner.”

“I can deal with Agent Mulder myself Spender, well apart from matters that involve you that is.”

“We can resume this talk later A.D. Skinner, when you have proved you can deal with your wayward agent.”

“I’ve nothing to say to you Spender.”

“Very well have it your own way Skinner, you just make sure you keep Mulder well away from me and my business.”

Spender turned and walked away without a care in the world, the bastard always believed that he was totally untouchable. Skinner held onto me until the bastard was out of sight, only then did he loosen his grip on me.

“I’ll repeat myself just once more, are you finished Agent Mulder?”

“Yeah Sir, you can let me go now.”

“Fine, I want you in my office in ten minutes and don’t be late.”

“Yeah whatever.”

I walked away from my boss and went inside the Hoover building, once inside I found the nearest bathroom. More than anything I just wanted to calm myself down somewhat, however the first thing I did was punch the wall in frustration. I hated Spender, I also hated the thought of someone like him having Alex to do as he pleased with.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Hey Krycek are you ready for some fun?”

“Fuck off Luis…”

“I’d watch that mouth of yours around me, you might want to consider just doing as I say.”

“Yeah because that’ll stop you torturing me won’t it, yeah right all you want is to be Spenders little pet!”

“Well at least it saves me from having to suffer the same fate as you, to be honest I have to admit that the look suits you Krycek.”

Luis ran his thumb down my chest, shit then the bastard started playing with my exposed nipple.

“Get the fuck off me…”

“Or what? Maybe I believe in having some fun before the pain.”

“I’d rather take the pain any day.”

“Yeah well I guess time will tell.”

Suddenly Luis ripped the gown from my defenceless body, I now found myself fully exposed to one of the many men I hated. Shit it was then that I felt his hand pressed against my abdomen, worst was when I felt him move towards my groin.

It was at that moment his hand suddenly gripped my flaccid cock, the bastard even started jerking me off and I was unable to do anything to stop him.

“Now who’s the little bitch Alex? I guess you could always pretend it’s Mulders hand wrapped around you and getting you off.”

“Go to hell, I swear I’ll kill you if I ever get the chance.”

“You’re all mouth Alex as always, however we all know that you fancy the pants off a certain G man.”

I refused to rise to the bait, deep down I knew that would piss off Luis more than anything

“Fine Alex have it your way, I guess we’ll be starting with the pain first after all.”

Luis went over towards a large metal table, it was then that he pulled on some industrial style gloves. All I could do was watch and wonder what this was leading up to, it was then that I remembered he’d brought a metal canister with him earlier.

I watched as he opened the canister and grabbed a metal looking test tube and held it up.

“Do you have any idea what this is Alex?”

“How the hell would I know!”

“It’s acid…”

Oh fuck, now I wanted to be as far away from this lab as possible. I started pulling on the leather straps that bound me to the table, I was petrified and knew I couldn’t go anywhere.

“Well it’s nice to see you understand and will know what to expect, are you ready to have some fun with me Alex?”

With that Luis stood over my exposed body, it was then that he lifted the liquid above my chest and I knew my life was over.

XXXXXXXXXX

I finally decided it was time I left the bathroom, I went to the lift as I felt far too drained to even bother with the stairs. I made it up to the fourth floor to find it relativity quiet, yet all I really wanted to do was go home and as far away from Skinner and this place.

Kimberly was sat at her desk as usual, at times I’d swear his secretary hated me for making her boss so stressed out. Well I’d seen how she watched Skinner, it was as obvious as hell that she fancied the man.

“I’m here to see A.D. Skinner.”

“Yes he’s made me aware of your visit, please take a seat Agent Mulder and I’ll see if he’s free.”

“Thanks.”

I took a seat and waited, finally Skinner himself came out and called me in.

“Come in Agent Mulder.”

“Yes Sir.”

“Take a seat Mulder.”

“Thanks, not that I know why you want to see me Sir…”

“Your behaviour for one, you were out of control Agent Mulder.”

“Yeah well you were the one kissing his ass!”

“We were having a conversation, also you’d do well to remember that I’m your superior.”

“How could I forget, you’re so far up his ass and will always be where he wants you.”

“Don’t push me Agent Mulder, I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

“We all know what Spender is capable of, he says jump and you do it.”

“I have people higher up than me, as you do Mulder. It’s called a chain of command and I answer to people higher than me, as for you well you answer to me Mulder.”

“Yeah you’ll answer to anyone if it means getting what you want.”

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well with all respect your nothing but an ass kisser Sir, you do whatever benefits you.”

“Very well if that’s what you think.”

“I do.”

“I’m suspending you for a couple of days Agent Mulder.”

“On what grounds?”

“You were reckless and out of order.”

“Shit it was only Spender…”

“It doesn’t matter who it was, you’re a federal agent and should behave accordingly.”

“Fine I’ll take the two days, at least I’ll have extra time to try and find Alex.”

“You can also re think about what you saw out there, maybe I was actually doing it to help you Agent Mulder!”

Skinner dismissed me, he also tried to make me understand that he was on my side.

XXXXXXXXXX

At first Luis just let tiny drops of the liquid fall on to my chest, however that alone was like nothing I’d ever experienced before in my life, eventually it was enough to have me screaming and thrashing around. I started to black out and hoped that I’d soon be free from all of this, however it seemed Luis had other ideas.

“Hey Alex stay with me, believe me this is just the start Alex.”

I was far too gone to even reply to him now, not that it mattered as I’d rather die than beg to either him or Spender. I knew that Luis was one hell of a sick perverted bastard, the likes of him had to be the one causing pain to others.

I guess there was also the fact that Luis hated my guts, he’d hated me from the first time we even met without me having to do anything to provoke him. I guess Luis had always thought he was far superior to me, stupid bastard didn’t even realize that he was a nobody in the eyes of Spender.

Suddenly I was brought out of my thoughts, yet it took some time as I wanted to stay where I was.

“Come on Alex wakey wakey, Spender has some big plans with regards to you.”

“Go to hell…”

“Oh believe me I’m in hell Alex, but don’t worry because it’s your hell that I’m in.”

“Just finish it Luis.”

“Do you really think it will be that easy, Spender has Jeramiah Smith here for a reason.”

“I don’t give a shit.”

Fuck with that the bastard poured even more acid onto my stomach, then the bastard decided to make it even worse. He used a gloved finger and ran it through the liquid that was there, he then slowly trailed his finger along my stomach and towards my nipple.

“What a waste, it’s a shame that you never wanted to return any of my gestures Alex.”

Fuck that as he gave me the creeps and I despised him, I remained as silent as humanly possible under the circumstances. After a few seconds his finger idly traced its way back to my stomach, Luis also made a point of running it back through the acid.

Soon however his finger started moving lower down, it was at that point that my brain was finally starting to give in to all the pain. Luis ran his finger between my legs, shit that was when he forced his finger deep inside my ass.

I screamed and screamed, after a few seconds my body finally shut down as I couldn’t take anymore.

XXXXXXXXXX

I went back down into the basement and just sat there at my desk, my mind was working overtime with recent events and I had a migraine. I wanted Alex back no matter what, maybe Skinner had been trying to help me after all. Well I had to admit that the man had helped me so much in the past, hell the man had even risked his own career for myself and Scully.

I couldn’t work no matter what, I guess right now my mind had other things to contend with. I knew if I went home I’d be bored out of my head and loose what sanity I had, maybe I’d take a couple of files home so I had something to keep me occupied.

I finally found a couple of files that might hold my interest, once done here I went to the garage to get my car. As soon as I saw my car I noticed the note on it, someone had placed it beneath one of my wiper blades.

Whoever had left the note had gone to the trouble of typing it, I guess they wanted to remain anonymous. I opened the envelope with no regard for finger prints or anything else, I was well and truly past the point of giving a fuck about rules.

The envelope held a small piece of folded paper, I pulled it out carefully and opened it up. Even the note was typed out too, it was then that I slowly read the contents of the letter.

(Stay away from a certain rat Agent Mulder, also remember that smoke can be really dangerous to be around if you expose yourself. Consider this a warning, as it will be the only warning you will receive. That or you yourself might learn all about disappearing, also how we dispose of unwanted pests.)

That was it no hints or useful information whatsoever, I was also none the wiser who it was from either other than the consortium. I swear that one day I would take that black lunged bastard out, at the moment he appeared to be untouchable and it pissed me off.

Surely the man couldn’t be that lucky, there would come a day when he’d get what he deserved tenfold. Deep down I was scared that I’d lose Alex and never see him again, I knew I’d also loose a huge part of myself in the process if that were to happen.

Well I knew that standing in the Hoover garage wouldn’t help me in the slightest, I’d learnt that there were no answers to be found around here. Finally, I got into my car and started the engine, I had to go home before I totally broke down and lost it.

All I wanted now was a shower and some food, maybe sleep would be a good idea too before I collapsed from exhaustion. I arrived at home to find another envelope pinned to my door, however this one felt a lot thicker than the previous one. I knew I’d have to resist opening it until I’d calmed down and stopped shaking, not that I expected that to be any time soon though.

XXXXXXXXXX

I opened my eyes and also my mouth it was at that moment I started screaming once more. This time something felt different though, I could feel someone gently rubbing my arm and face.

I looked over to my right and saw Jeramiah Smith, it was only then that I realized the pain had actually stopped.

“How are you coping Alex?”

“I’m hanging in, how come you’re still here Jeramiah?”

“My job was to part heal you.”

“Wait; what do you mean by only part heal me?”

“Spender will only allow me to heal you physically, I’m not allowed to help you mentally or we’ll both suffer a great deal.”

“Spender plans to have me heal you, then he’ll torture you over and over again. He plans to destroy you in the worst way possible without even leaving a trace of evidence.”

“So, he’s planning to destroy me mentally then…”

“The human body and suffer great pain and heal itself, however torturing you will have an impact on your mental state. The human mind can be a very fragile thing at the best of times Alex, mentally he would take you apart because you’d never forget the pain and what was done to you.”

“Yeah well it’ll take more than Spender thinks.”

“Alex can you remember the pain?”

I couldn’t help myself as I visually shuddered, I was also struggling not to throw up.

“You see he’s already taking you apart mentally, now imagine him torturing you like that a few more times.

“Shit how the hell can I get out of here, you must have a way of saving yourself Jeramiah?”

“I don’t know Alex when it will be, but eventually someone will come for me. Normally they always rescue one of their own sooner or later, however they won’t take any humans on the ship.”

“So basically, you’re saying I’m fucked and my life will be over, also I won’t even have you here to help me.”

I really didn’t like the idea of Jeramiah bailing out on me, yet I knew if his people came he wouldn’t even have a say in it.

“Look I’ll do the best I can for you, when my people come I will send some help for you.”

“Yeah if it’s not too late by then…”

“I’m sorry Alex but it’s the best I can do.”

“Yeah I know, thanks Jeramiah as I appreciate any help right now.”

With that the door opened once more, Spender stood there and ordered Jeramiah to leave the room. He then came over and sat beside me, fuck how I hated this man and wished he were dead.

“It’s time for round two Alex.”

I closed my eyes and prayed that my heart would give up, I somehow didn’t think I’d survive another round of brutal torture.

XXXXXXXXXX

I threw the envelope down onto the coffee table, right now all I wanted was a really strong drink. I went into the kitchen and retrieved the bottle of vodka, I even grabbed the cold pizza I still had from the previous night.

Even after just a couple of slices I started to feel really sick, so I decided to stick with the vodka. I then went into the bathroom and turned on the shower, I had to admit that the warm water looked so inviting right now.

I knocked back a couple large mouthfuls of the vodka while I got undressed and ready, I threw all the clothes into the laundry to be sorted when I could be bothered to do it. Right now, I wasn’t in the mood to do much of anything, well I suppose thanks to Skinner I had a few days to catch up with things.

The shower felt amazing upon my weary body and I didn’t want to get out, however if I didn’t get some sleep soon I’d end up collapsing. I knew I had to move and get myself clean then get out, I’d be of no use if Alex turned up when I was this exhausted.

I wrapped the towel around my waist and returned to the bedroom, I also made sure I took the vodka back with me too. Deep down I was hoping the vodka would help me sleep if I drank enough of it, all I wanted was a night’s sleep without all the nightmares.

Finally, I pulled on some jogging bottoms and a tee shirt, I couldn’t be bothered with a shave as what did it matter anywhere when I had nowhere to be. At this point I’d drank over half of the bottle, well finally I was starting to feel drunk and light headed.

Well maybe it was time I called it a night, I had that envelope to open and see what it said. I guess that I’d blocked it out when I’d started drinking, however in the end I had to know as curiosity would get the better of me.

I sat on the couch with the vodka, I also turned on the television for some background noise. The letter just lay there taunting me, part of me wanted to just say fuck Spender but I couldn’t.

My mind worked overtime until curiosity got the better of me, I picked up the envelope and just held it between my shaky fingers. Well I guess that it was now or never, I tore open the envelope along the top and pulled out the contents.

Inside I found a small folded note alongside another smaller envelope. Well I decided that I’d read the note first, depending on what it said would determine whether I opened the other one or not.

(Agent Mulder stay away from me and also my property, believe me you won’t like the outcome if you ignore me. I want to protect you from everything son, yet no matter what I do you never learn do you! I’ve sent you a small present, it’s just to let you know where you stand if you cross me.

I do hope you enjoy your evening viewing and sleep well, I’m sure deep down that you’ll agree that Alex Krycek had it coming.)

I tore open the other envelope and pulled out some photos, I couldn’t help myself as I threw up all over the floor.

XXXXXXXXXX

So here I was wondering what round two would bring, Spender was sat there displaying his usual smug face.

“What do you really want from me Spender?”

“For you to admit that you’re a traitor Alex, maybe then I might just ease up on you.”

“Yeah like hell you would, well I refuse to admit to something that I haven’t done.”

“Then I’m afraid you’ll leave here a broken man Alex.”

“So why not kill me and end this!”

“Where would the fun be in that, eventually you’ll be released back to that boyfriend of yours.”

“Leave Mulder out of this, he’s nothing to me and doesn’t know who betrayed you!”

“Too late, even so I’d love to see what Mulder will make of you when we’ve finished…”

“What the hell makes you think I’ll be any different, you’ve destroyed my life since the day I met you.”

“Come on Alex, we know that that’s a lie and not true!”

“Yeah right.”

“I took care of your uncle and gave you a future.”

“You killed him then set me up, I’ve never had a say in anything and never will!”

“Maybe I might let you go, well that’s if this little experiment goes well.”

“You mean after you’ve reduced me to nothing!”

“Oh, it won’t totally be nothing Alex, where would the fun be in that?”

“Go to hell…”

“I’m not arguing with you Alex, in all honesty I believe it’s time Luis returned.”

I lay there and refused to speak, what was the point when no one ever listened to me. Spender stood and called Luis, this was where I’d suffer once more and maybe even lose my mind.

“Luis take care of our guest and treat him well.”

With that Spender was gone, now it was just myself and Luis once more.

“Well Alex, where do you think I should start this time?”

“You can only act big because I’m restrained, how about untying me and we can have a fair fight man to man.”

“Yeah okay I’m game for that.”

Luis walked over and made sure the door was locked, he then made his way over to where I lay. I couldn’t believe it when he started removing all the restraints, soon he was down to the last one around my wrist.

I knew I’d have to act fast, the minute he removed the strap I took advantage and punched him in the face.

“Lucky shot Alex however it will be your last, you see I lied about having a fair fight.”

All I could do was watch as Luis pulled out a knife, I moved as fast as I could and rolled off the table.

XXXXXXXXXX

Finally, my stomach was empty, shit now all I could taste was the vodka from earlier on. I closed my eyes and tried to block everything out, the trouble was the fact I’d never forget those images as long as I lived.

I would swear that the images were burnt into my retina, well along with my eidetic memory that is. I knew that I’d have to move and clean up the mess soon, finally I opened my eyes and looked anywhere but the coffee table.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed some floor cleaner, well I guess this wasn’t how I’d visualized spending my evening. So much for the decent sleep I’d hoped to get, I knew I’d have no way in hell of keeping the nightmares away now.

Once everywhere was clean I sat back on the couch, however in the end curiosity got the better of me. I picked up the four photos of Alex, I didn’t want to look at them or see his face yet I had to do this.

The photos might hold some vital clue or other, even so I’d have to wonder if Alex was still alive after all of this. The photos showed a man that was in agony, also well beyond breaking point and possible return.

Alex was naked and restrained to a metal table, yet that wasn’t even the most disturbing aspect of the situation. It was the look of sheer agony upon his gorgeous face, the man looked like he’d been to hell and back more than once or twice.

His body was covered in huge welts and burns, it was hard to say just what could have done that to the man I loved. It literally looked like most of his skin had been burnt away, I’d swear that I could even see his bones in places.

Deep down I doubted any sane person could return from this, I’d have to accept that Alex would never be the same strong confident man he once was. Not that he’d even get the chance now anyway, chances are Spender wouldn’t let him survive.

I could tell from the photos that it looked like a lab of some sort, my guess is that it’s owned by the consortium. I knew deep down I’d rather Alex be dead than suffer in this way, it was totally barbaric and humane to do that to a person.

I held the photos against my chest and wept, I even found it difficult to breathe as the tears turned to full on sobbing. I didn’t think I could even carry on, right now all I wanted was to die myself and for all of this to end.

I guess at some point my exhausted body finally gave in, sleep had come along bringing even more nightmares with it.

Alex was restrained to a table and being tortured, they were literally burning the skin from his body. Then he would start to scream and thrash around, my mind couldn’t take any more and I woke to hear my own screams.

XXXXXXXXXX

I screamed as the knife blade sank deep into my side, now I found myself on the floor and curled in a ball as I tried to protect myself.

“Come on Alex and fight back, it’s not like you to go down so easy!”

“Yeah well you never did know how to fight fair Luis, you’re pathetic and weak without a weapon…”

Suddenly Luis kicked hard against my already injured side, I’d swear at least one of my ribs had cracked. The pain was agonizing as I gripped hold of the table, I used every ounce of strength I had to pull myself up from the floor.

I didn’t achieve much though, it was at that moment that Luis kicked my legs from beneath me. I fell to the floor once more, this time I smacked my head as I went down. Luis wasted no time and was upon me within seconds, it was then that his fists rained down on my battered body.

I knew that I’d be out of it soon enough, I was losing plenty of blood from the knife wound alone. Suddenly I was pulled up from the floor, Luis threw me upon the table and left me there.

Luis knew that I was in far too much pain to fight back, shit I could hardly even breathe now either

“You don’t look so good now Alex, I bet you’ve well and truly had enough now!”

I couldn’t even manage to utter one single word, however all that got me was Luis even more pissed off than before. It was then that he punched me in the side once more, the same side that he’d knifed me and damaged my ribs.

I couldn’t hold back any longer, however once I started to scream I couldn’t stop. The only good thing that came from it was Luis, apparently, he couldn’t stand the noise and left the room.

This time I realized that no one came straight away to check on me, I was left there by myself and in agony. I kept losing consciousness, not that I wanted to stay awake like this as it was too much.

It had seemed like an eternity before I could keep my eyes open, however that was when I realized that I could smell smoke. Great I really wasn’t in the mood to deal with Spender right now. My whole body was on fire and in agony, yet that cancerous bastard just sat there grinning at me.

“Alex dear boy how are you holding up, I came as I have some great news for you.”

“You’re letting me go…”

“I’m glad to see that you still have a sense of humour, but no I’ve just decided to leave you in pain for a few hours this time.”

With any luck maybe I’d die, hopefully they’d leave it too long and Jeramiah wouldn’t be able to save me.

XXXXXXXXXX

At some point Alex’s screams had become my own, and it had confused me, at first, I’d thought that Alex was actually here with me. I was burning up and my clothes were soaking wet, I’d not had a nightmare like that since I were a small child.

It wasn’t even like I knew how to handle this feeling either, I felt like I was going insane and totally losing it. Maybe I could call Scully and ask her for a sedative, yeah sure it would also come with a hundred and one questions.

I could always just drink the rest of the vodka, deep down I knew that all it would do was make me sick once more. Finally I got up off the couch and put the light on, I guess I’d have to do something to take my mind off all of this.

I grabbed one of the files I’d brought home earlier, maybe it would be interesting enough to distract my brain. No such luck as it turned out to be rather boring, I soon realized that the case was yet another hoax and the boredom became too much for me.

I must have fallen asleep where I sat, not that the nightmares or images in my head changed. At least this time I wasn’t screaming like a banshee when I woke up, I actually realized that I was crying instead.

I could hardly remember the nightmare now, yet I knew I’d need far more sleep than this to be useful. I switched off my computer and returned to the couch, it was time I got some sleep no matter what.

Maybe a film might distract me, that or I could watch one of my many porn videos. In the end I decided to put on the first movie I grabbed, I’d also decided I’d finish off the vodka regardless of the end results.

I must have laid there for a few hours, my mind and body were exhausted and I was past caring. It looked like I might have to call Scully after all, I knew I had no chance of sleep now without the sedative. I dialled her number and waited, finally after a few rings I was rewarded with her voice.

“What’s up now Mulder?”

“Insomnia…”

“I thought you always suffered with that?”

“This is far worse than normal Scully, I’m even suffering nightmares too. I was hoping you could help, maybe a sedative or something…”

“I’ll be right over Mulder.”

I didn’t have too many friends, yet when it came to it I could always count on Scully.

XXXXXXXXXX

I swear that cancerous bastard could read my thoughts, he stood up and then touched my arm.

“Oh you’ll be safe Alex, I’ll even have a doctor come in and tend to your wounds. It won’t be anything major, just enough to make sure you stay alive.”

“Great, I can’t wait…”

“Oh there was also one other small detail Alex…”

“Yeah and what would that be?”

“I’ve ordered the doctor to give you no pain relief whatsoever, it will serve to remind you of the traitor that you are.”

“Shit I never betrayed you, also I’m in fuckin agony here!”

“Goodbye Alex.”

“Go to hell.”

“Come on and beg for me Alex, maybe you might get me to re think the issue…”

“Fuck you, I’d rather die than beg you for anything.”

“Very well have it your own way Alex.”

Spender opened the door and spoke to the doctor, then he wasted no time getting away from here and me. The doctor entered and started to rush around, he was even talking to himself as he worked.

“I’m sorry but I have orders to restrain you.”

“Like I give a shit anymore…”

All I could do was lay there as the doctor re fastened the leather straps, he then moved away from me to get something. I lay there wishing I were dead as I knew it was the only way out.

I was actually blacking out from the pain when the doctor returned, he grabbed the sheet and pulled it back to reveal my naked body.

“I’m sorry but this will hurt as I clean the wound up, I’ll need to use antiseptic to stop any infections occurring.”

I lay there and grit my teeth, I knew it would hurt as he stitched me up without anaesthetic. It was then that he lifted my flaccid cock up, shit suddenly the pain was immense and felt like it was burning.

“What the fuck are you doing to me.”

“The pain will ease once I have the catheter in place, Luis should never have removed the restraints.”

I lay there and let him get on with it, to be honest I was in far too much pain to care. Soon I was left alone once more with my pain, I had no idea how long Spender would make me suffer before letting Jeramiah heal me once more.

At some point I guess I passed out, next time I woke I opened my eyes to see Jeramiah sat back in the chair. I felt so excited that he’d returned, not that it would make much difference as it would all start again soon enough.

XXXXXXXXXX

I spent the next twenty minutes or so pacing up and down, I was beyond tired now all I could see were those images of Alex once more. It seemed like forever as I waited for Scully to arrive, finally I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard the knock on my door.

“Come in Scully.”

“Mulder you look like crap…”

“Yeah well I guess that’s what a lack of sleep can do to you!”

“You said that you were having nightmares, I take it that they were really bad then?”

“Hold on and I’ll show you them.”

“What, you can’t have pictures of your nightmares Mulder!”

I handed over the photos of Alex to her, I could see her face visibly pale as she looked through the photos.

“Sorry Scully, I really didn’t want to upset you. I thought you might understand better this way, I need some sleep so I can go out and start looking for him.”

“How would you even know where to start looking Mulder?”

“Spender, also I don’t give a shit if I have to beat the location out of him.”

“Mulder the human brain is a very fragile thing, Alex won’t be the same man he was before.”

“What are you saying Scully, I should just forget about him and leave him out there to die!”

“No of course not, believe me no one deserves to suffer like that. I just meant that he’ll be mentally damaged Mulder, also he might never recover from this.”

“Yeah well it’s a chance I’m willing to take, look I know that you don’t like him so I’m asking for help as a friend.”

“I’ll help you any way that I can Mulder, you know that I love you like a brother. I’m also willing to help Alex because I love you, just don’t expect me to like him.”

“Thanks Scully, it really means a lot to me as you’re the main friend I have.”

“Okay how about the sedative, also I can stay here while you sleep if you want?”

“What for?”

“To make sure no unwelcome visitors get in, it’s a very strong sedative Mulder and you’ll be out cold.”

“I’d like it if you stay then, come on Scully let’s get this over with.”

Scully injected the sedative into my arm, she then sat on the chair as I lay down on my trusted couch. I tried to think of all the good times with Alex and wanted it to be like that again. My vision was starting to blur as the sedative started working, sleep and then my search for the man I loved would begin.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Alex, I need you to wake up, come on we have to work fast!”

“What’s going on…”

“I can feel it, I know that my people are close and I have very little time to heal you.”

“Please don’t leave me here Jeramiah, I won’t survive without you…”

“I’ll do all I can for now, once I’m out of here I’ll send help for you Alex.”

“Yeah right, I’ll just be forgotten as always.”

“I’m sorry but I haven’t time to argue with you Alex, come on I must start the healing process now.”

Jeramiah placed his hands upon my chest, suddenly everything started to feel warm and rather soothing.

“Breathe in and out Alex, at least your ribs are nearly healed now.”

Soon he moved his hands to where the knife wound was, he then set about healing that too. I felt as if it was all happening to someone else, my mind was slowly going and I knew it wouldn’t take much more.

I had a feeling that I was right at the very edge of sanity, even the slightest thing could push me over the edge now. Suddenly I heard lots of voices and shouting, it was also at that moment that Spender entered the room followed by Luis

“Luis get Jeramiah out of here now, I want him back in his room and fast.”

“What about Krycek?”

“Just forget about him, he’s restrained and won’t be going anywhere.”

Before Luis moved Jeramiah put his hand back on the knife wound, I knew that he was trying to help me as much as he could with them here.

“It’s nearly healed Alex and I have to go now, I promise that I won’t forget about you Alex.”

“Please Jeramiah…”

“Alex be strong and someone will come soon, I’ll never forget you and the bravery you have shown. Most men would have given up a long time ago, you’re far stronger that you realize.”

I knew that Jeramiah would keep his word if he could, I just didn’t think I’d manage to survive until then. I had no concept of anything anymore, well other than the concept of pain.

Luis suddenly returned and removed all of the straps, he then helped me stand and I had no idea why. I was then led into a very small room, I was then shoved hard and found myself in a tiny enclosure.

It was as the metal door slammed shut that I started to panic, I guess it was now obvious what my own fate would be.

XXXXXXXXXX

I slowly woke up from a very deep sleep, I had to admit that I felt somewhat better but rather confused. I hadn’t even managed to open my eyes, yet I could hear voices and people talking quietly.

I knew that I’d have to force myself to wake up fully, all I wanted was to force my eyes open and see who the hell was in my apartment with Scully. I blocked out everything and just concentrated, finally after a few seconds I managed to force my eyes open.

Great I was met with three pairs of eyes staring at me, I was starting to feel like some circus freak or a goldfish in a bowl.

“Hey I fall asleep and you all party, what’s going on Scully?”

“Jeramiah came here while you were asleep, Mulder he knows where Alex is been held.”

“Great, so what the hell are we waiting for?”

“You need to listen to Jeramiah first Mulder, you could risk rushing in and getting him killed.”

“Fine, go on then Jeramiah talk.”

“Agent Mulder I was with Alex as I was also a prisoner, Spender had me there so that I could heal Alex.”

“So, he’s okay then, I don’t understand what the problem is then?”

“Agent Mulder they tortured Alex in the worst way possible, Spender had acid poured onto his skin and Luis stabbed him!”

Shit suddenly I felt really sick, in all honesty I was glad that my stomach was empty.

“You said that Spender used you to heal Alex…”

“He only allowed me to heal Alex physically, I wasn’t allowed to heal him mentally. Spender would torture Alex and have me heal him, once healed Spender would start the torture all over again.”

“So why bother healing him then?”

“Spender didn’t want to destroy him physically, he wanted to push Alex until he mentally broke. That was why he made me heal him, I’ve never seen a man deal with as much pain as that without going mad.”

“Yeah but you said you managed to heal him.”

“Physically I left Alex in reasonably good health, however mentally it might already be too late.”

“So, you just left him there to die!”

“I had no choice Agent Mulder, my people arrived and I was forced to leave with them.”

“So, can you heal Alex mentally if I manage to bring him back?”

“No, my time here is up and I have to return home, Alex will need a lot of counselling and a lot of patience too.”

“Fine, I’d like to go now and see if he’s still alive.”

“That’s why Skinner’s here.”

Well at least I’d have someone watching my back, now all I had to do was dress and get a move on.

XXXXXXXXXX

At least Jeramiah had nearly healed the knife wound, also all the burns and cuts were now gone too. It was just a shame that it was too late and I had been left to die, hell I’d known that the minute Luis closed the door and sealed me in here.

Knowing Spender, he’d be long gone now, along with everyone else here that worked for him. I pulled myself up and onto my feet, maybe I’d be lucky and the door would open from the inside.

No chance of that as I found the door locked, also that was the only way out of this hell hole was opening it from the outside. I banged on the door in a vain hope that someone might still be here, I knew it was most likely pointless but desperate men will try anything.

It was like that damn silo all over again, however this time there was no alien to leave the door open for me. I finally gave up and retreated to the farthest corner from the door, once there I slid down the wall and resigned myself to my fate.

All I could do now was sit here and wait for death, no food and water would be fast and extremely agonizing. I put my head on my knees and my arms around them, it was at that moment that I truly broke down and sobbed.

Well it wasn’t like anyone would see me cry, I was nothing but a shell of the man I once was. I thought about Mulder and what he’d done for me, I also wished we could have had more time together and for things to be different.

If by some miracle I got out of here, hell not that Mulder would want me now so why waste time thinking about that. Maybe my uncle Dimitri had the right idea after all, hell even as a kid I was totally useless and pathetic.

Maybe if I’d stood up to my uncle things might have been different, but no I just let everyone walk all over me. I looked up at the bright light despite the fact it hurt my eyes, all it did was make me realize I’d never see daylight again.

Shit I’d never see Mulder again either, I was pathetic and would die here all alone. I didn’t for one minute believe that anyone would find me here, as the hours passed my thoughts became darker.

I was reliving my entire life once more including all the suffering, my mental state was now just a fragile shell that could break any second, also I was terrified of dying here alone. The more I thought about it the more I realized I deserved it, I’d screwed with so many people to save myself.

My brain was working overtime now, after a while I became tired and decided to close my eyes for a while. Not that it worked and I re opened them, it looked like sleep wouldn’t take me away from this hell hole.

Suddenly a loud noise startled me, it was also at that moment that the room was plunged into darkness. I guessed the power had cut off, now there was no way of holding back the screams that rose in my throat.

XXXXXXXXXX

“I take it you have a plan Skinner?”

“I’ve managed to round up a few good men, we’ll go in armed to the teeth and expect the worst. Jeramiah has assured us that it will be empty, apparently Spender bailed as soon as the going got tough.”

“So, going fully armed just a precaution then Sir?”

“Yes Agent Mulder, I’m not prepared to lose any agents over this as it’s not authorized.”

“Can we get on with it then Sir?”

“Fine, let’s get changed and ready.”

“Will Scully be joining us or staying here Sir?”

“Scully will be accompanying us, she might be needed on a medical level.”

“Yeah true Sir.”

Skinner opened a bag and pulled out some tactical gear, well at least we’d have bullet proof vests just in case it all went to hell. Once sorted and armed we were finally ready, first I had to thank Jeramiah and say goodbye to him.

Jeramiah had given us the location, apparently it would take us just over an hour to reach the consortium lab. Part of me wanted to find Alex and fast, yet another part of me was scared as to what I might find.

The lab turned out to be in the middle of nowhere, well I guess that was rather typical of the consortium. At least there were no cars or people around, I was hoping that we could just go straight in and get out fast.

The place appeared to be in total darkness, we would all have to rely on our flashlights to see anything at all. Skinner found the main door and it was locked, we were prepared and a small explosive soon dealt with that little problem.

Inside was way too quiet and like an abandoned ship, it actually had a very eerie fell about it too. Maybe Jeramiah was right, could Alex still be in this place without losing his mind.

We searched for over half an hour, every room was empty and appeared to be deserted like everyone had left in a hurry.  It was then that I heard Scully call me, I wasted no time at all answering her in case there was a problem and she was in trouble.

“Mulder here…”

“What is it Scully, are you alright?”

“I can’t get into this room, the doors far too heavy and I just wanted your help.”

“Fine, move out of the way then and I’ll give it a go.”

I used all my strength and forced the door open, I then shone my torch into the dark gloomy room before me.

“Scully get in here quick!”

It was at that moment I’d seen the body, I knew it was Alex and that he wasn’t moving at all. I had no idea if he were dead or alive and was too scared to even look, I was so thankful that Scully was here after all.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well I guess I’d screamed until I finally passed out, however I could hear voices and that’s what had woke me up. I recognized the voice the moment I heard it, great now I’d totally lost it and was even hearing things now.

“Alex come on can you hear me, hey it’s Fox talk to me.”

“You’re not real…”

Suddenly Mulder changed, my mind had tricked me and now it was Luis that was holding me. I tried to get away from him and started screaming once more, yet the bastard just held on to me tight and wouldn’t let go.

“Let me go Luis, fuck I can’t take anymore and will tell Spender what he wants!”

“Alex it’s me, Scully have you got a sedative or something so we can get him out of here?”

The next thing I felt was a small prick in my arm, after that there was nothing but darkness.

I woke sometime later and found myself in a warm bed, I knew straight away that I was in Mulders bedroom. I knew that, yet part of my brain was screaming that it was a trick and I was imagining it all.

I got up off the bed then went and sat in the corner of the room, it felt like the silo all over again. My brain was screaming at me to get the hell out of here, yet I was afraid to leave and had nowhere to go anyway.

I was trapped here no matter what, I knew somewhere out there was Spender and he’d kill me. I just sat there and started banging my head against the wall, it also wasn’t long before I started crying out in pain,

It wasn’t long before the bedroom door flew open, I could see Mulder and he looked angry, now I felt far more scared than ever before.

“Please don’t hurt me Mulder…”

“Alex I love you, however right now you’re the one that’s hurting yourself!”

“I can see that angry look Mulder, the one you always have right before you hit me.”

“Alex I won’t lie to you, this is perhaps the angriest I’ve ever been in my life. However, that angers not aimed at you, it’s aimed at the bastard that did this to you Alex!”

“Spender owns me Mulder, you have to accept that and let me go.”

“Alex, he lied to you all along.”

“What do you mean?”

“He never even had your uncle killed, he also has no evidence whatsoever that he could pin on you…”

“You don’t know that Mulder.”

“I did some research and the gunmen helped me, Spender paid your uncle off Alex. Your uncle pretty much sold you and received a large sum of money to disappear, then Spender said he was dead so he’d have you where he wanted you.”

I really couldn’t handle all this right now, shit did that mean my uncle was still alive and out there somewhere. My life had been ruined for over thirty years because of my uncle Dimitri, yet he obviously had a good life and plenty of money too.

XXXXXXXXXX

I could see that Alex was struggling do handle all of this and work it all out, the man had already suffered so much because of his own uncle.

“Alex, he took the money and ran, he then went on to live for a lot more years.”

“You say lived, does that mean he’s dead now?”

“Yeah he died in a car crash, I gather he paid for his fascination with fast cars. Your uncle’s death is even recorded legally, you see Spender was lying to you all along.”

“So, he can’t get me anymore then!”

“No Alex, also he has no evidence on you as there was no murder.”

Great now I started to become even more worried, Alex just sat there and started sobbing. All I could do was hold him close and kissed the top of his head, it broke my heart to see the man in such a state.

“Come on Alex move, I’m sure the bed would be far comfier than the floor.”

I stood and held out my hand so there was no pressure, for a while he just sat there on the floor staring up at me. I’d even started to think he’d just remain where he was, that’s why I was surprised when his hand suddenly grabbed hold of mine.

I pulled Alex into my arms and held him tight, to be honest I was scared to let go of him.

“I love you so much Alex.”

“Let me go Fox, I’m broken and you’d have a far better life without me in it…”

“Alex it will take some time for you to heal, however I can’t just choose who to love. The past happened, now all we can do is try and deal with the mess.”

“Yeah right, how the hell am I meant to do that Fox?”

“I won’t lie and it will be the hardest thing you do, you will have to see a professional councillor too Alex.”

“What? You think all of that will just magically fix me, I’ll just be all better and forget that it all happened!”

“Hey Alex calm down babe, everything will have to be done one day at a time.”

“What and you’re willing to give me all that time Fox, then what happens when I have really bad days and can’t cope?”

“We’ll deal with everything as it pops up, you can’t worry about what hasn’t happened Alex or it will destroy you.”

“Fox, I don’t want to bring you down or hurt you, I never did right from the first time I met you.”

“Look with help it won’t be as bad as you think!”

“You don’t know that Fox…”

“Look all I ask right now is that you get back into bed, please Alex as you need the rest.”

“Yeah okay, but only on one condition Fox…”

“What would that be?”

“You don’t leave me in here alone.”

I kissed him once more, soon we lay on the bed together and he was fast asleep in my arms. I had the man I loved back and safe with me, now all I had to do was make it all work out.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that Fox was doing the best he could, hell the man had even allowed me to call him by his first name all the time. It was me that there was something seriously wrong with though, I fought Fox over everything and at every opportunity I got.

I also knew that he wanted to make love to me too, yet in that respect I never wanted him near me. That alone was putting a strain on our relationship, yet I was doing the best I mentally could right now.

The months were going by fast, the trouble was nothing had really changed between the two of us. Fox was now back at work full time now, as for me I stayed here alone every day.

A lot of the time I became fed up and bored, yet deep down I was afraid to leave this apartment. I kept it really clean, I even did all the washing and cooking too. Fox would come home at six most days, we would eat and then spend a few hours together.

The worst time for me were the nights Fox worked away on a case, I had to admit that it scared the hell out of me to be here alone at night. Those nights I’d fall asleep sat on the couch, I’d also have every single light on and even the television.

I didn’t want to go out despite the fact Spender had nothing on me, I guess it was just the fact that he and Luis were still out there somewhere. No one hardly ever came here either, I knew that Skinner and Scully still both hated me for what I’d done in the past.

I guess to them I was the one who’d mad Fox’s life hell, I guess I was still making it hell and dragging the man down with me. Who knows maybe they were both right, I guess I was just a selfish bastard and refused to let Fox go.

I spent the day cleaning as usual, however Fox had called and told me not to cook anything tonight. It was nights like this that Fox would grab something on the way home, that or he’d order a takeaway when he got in.

I knew that it was his way of giving me a break, well what more was there he could really do? I refused to leave the apartment or go anywhere with him, yet it wasn’t Fox I was ashamed of as the man was gorgeous.

In the end I decided to go and have a shower, the water felt good and it always helped me relax somewhat. I also had some meds to help me relax and cope better. On a good day I coped, I’d try to be happy with Fox and block out all the bad things that had happened to me. Then on a bad day I couldn’t cope with anything, that even included Fox.

After a shower I decided to read, it was the one pastime that I loved more than anything else. I think it was my escape from reality, I’d put myself into another world far away from this one.

Finally I settled down on the couch, I even made a coffee and remembered to take my meds. I knew that I’d still be sat here when Fox returned, not that it seemed to bother him most days.

XXXXXXXXXX

I had to admit that life could be hard at times, yet I refused to give up on the broken man I loved. I knew that the main thing I had to have with him is patience, then maybe one day he’d feel safe enough to relax with me. I guessed for now I had my work to keep me busy, right now I seemed to have far more work than I could handle and it was making me stressed out.

“Mulder are you even listening to me?”

“Sorry Scully, I guess I was miles away…”

“You seem to do that a lot lately Mulder, do you think that it might have something to do with your lodger.”

“Scully he’s my lover and I know you still hate the man, despite the fact you know why he did what he did!”

“I just think you’d have a far better life Mulder without him pulling you down all the time, you’ll never change the man he is now no matter what you do!”

“Why, just what is it that you think he’s become?”

“He’s still a murderer, oh and a liar and traitor too.”

“All I see is a broken man, shit Scully he’s had his life destroyed and deserves a chance at a decent life.

“Yes, but why does it have to be you?”

“Scully, I love the man and can’t change that!”

“I think your just infatuated with him, anyway I’m going home and haven’t got time to stand here arguing with you.”

“Yeah whatever, I’ll catch you later Scully.”

With that she was gone and for once I was pleased, I knew that it was also time I headed out of here and back home. The drive was a quiet one, Scully had put me in a bad mood and I decided to call at the liquor store on the way back.

Ii grabbed a strong bottle of vodka and I’d order a Chinese for tonight. I arrived home to find Alex sat on the couch reading as usual, well it wasn’t like he’d be out or anything.

“I grabbed us a drink Alex, also the food will be here soon.”

“Sounds good Fox.”

“How’s your day going Alex?”

“Same as always…”

“We could go out later if you want, I thought as it’s a Friday we could go and watch a movie.”

“Fox give it a rest will you…I’ve already told you I’m happy to just stay here.”

“Alex, I love you so much, all I want is for you to have a normal life and be able to do normal things.”

“I’m fine so just drop it.”

“Whatever, look just listen out for the food with you?”

“Why where are you going Fox?”

“A shower and then get changed.”

I knew that Alex hated having to answer the door, yet sometimes I had to be cruel to be kind. I knew Alex would never change if I babied him all the time, this way he’d have to face people once more.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that I was really starting to fall apart now, I hated that Fox forced me to do things now and then and I’d push him away once more. Was that what I truly wanted, to have no one and be all alone once again.

I couldn’t help myself no matter what. I know how I felt and I believed that Fox was wrong and that I were beyond changing. It was then that I heard the loud knock on the door and froze, I couldn’t move despite knowing who was at the door.

Fox must have heard as the delivery boy knocked once more, the next minute he came rushing past me wrapped in just a towel around his waist.

“For fucks sake Alex, do I have to do everything around here?”

It was his words that brought me out of my trance, however I was so upset that I rushed into the bedroom so I could be alone. I curled up on the bed and hugged myself, I was so fucked up and couldn’t help making a mess of everything.

I knew that Fox would be in here soon to get dressed, yet part of me didn’t even want to see him right now. This was what Spender had made me, maybe it was the life I deserved and was unworthy of anyone’s love.

Fox was always in a bad mood after work lately, mostly it was when Scully or Skinner had mentioned me and Fox together. It was then that I heard the bedroom door open, Fox walked and grabbed some clothes to wear.

I had to admit that I were surprised when he just walked back out, he also made a point of slamming the door behind him. I knew it would be one of those nights, he would leave me in here until I was ready to go back out.

I was pathetic, Fox had gone out of his way to buy a meal and a drink for us. I lay there all alone and cried, right now I hadn’t it in me to force myself to leave the room.

I must have fallen asleep at some point, the next thing I knew was the door opening and Fox returning. I could tell that he was well and truly drunk by his slurred speech, this could end up really bad for me and I must have really pissed him off tonight.

“Food’s in the kitchen Alex, well that’s if you can be bothered to move and get it…”

“I’m sorry Fox.”

“Sorry for what exactly Alex? Sorry that you’re pathetic and can’t just move on, or sorry that you let Spender win and destroy your life?”

“You fuckin bastard…”

“Or are you sorry that you’re a useless lover, someone who won’t let anyone touch you or even love you?”

“Is that what I am to you, why the hell have me as your fuckin lover then Fox?”

I felt like my heart was going to break into tiny pieces, Fox was my life and soon I wouldn’t even have him.

XXXXXXXXXX

God, I knew that I was hurting the man as I treat him cold and harsh, yet the vodka had loosened my tongue and I seemed unable to stop it now.

“Yeah that’s what I think, shit you don’t even realize just how pathetic you can be at times. I want someone who’ll let me make love to them, somebody who wants me to hold them and kiss them and never let go.”

“You’re drunk Fox!”

“Is that all you’ve got to say for yourself Alex, I might be drunk but I meant every single word that I said.”

I watched as his eyes clouded over, I knew that he was going to start crying yet again. Part of me wanted to hurt him, make him suffer the way I was suffering.

“Fuck this, I’m off to sleep on the couch before you start blubbering again.”

“Please don’t go Fox…”

I got back out of bed and headed towards the door, it was at that moment I felt Alex grab me by my arm.

I never even thought about my actions, I took my fist and punched him hard in the stomach. Alex fell upon the bed and looked so vulnerable and lost, I knew I’d have to sober up before I really hurt him.

“Alex let me go.”

“I can’t, I don’t want to be here alone. Please Fox we can just try again, I’ll even let you make love to me if that’s what you really want…”

“You have to want it too Alex?”

“I do, please Fox I swear that it’s what I really want.”

“You can’t do it just to make me stay.”

“Fox I’ve always wanted you…”

Alex was soon back up and off the bed, next thing I knew he was on his knees in front of me. It didn’t take the man long to have my boxers around my ankles, and even less time to have my cock deep down his throat.

“Alex slow down babe or I’ll come!”

Alex ignored me and worked even harder to get me off, I had to admit that the man could give amazing blow jobs when he wanted. I wasn’t a stupid man though and knew what his game was, he’d make me come and I’d forget all about making love to him.

I decided I’d let him have his own way for a couple more minutes, it was then that I grabbed him by his hair and pulled his head up.

“move babe, I want you on that bed and fully naked.”

I stood there more turned on than ever, Alex was truly gorgeous as he stood there in his birthday suit just watching me.

“Alex get the lube and prepare yourself for me, you have to show me how much you want this and want me…”

“God, I do want you Fox, I need you as much as I need air to breathe!”

“Well actions speak louder than words, come on get yourself ready babe.”

I watched as Alex opened a draw and grabbed the lube, he then lay upon the bed with his legs wide open.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew if I couldn’t get over my hang ups it was over, I’d end up alone and losing the only man I’d ever truly loved.

“I love you so much Fox.”

I watched as his eyes glazed over with lust, so I deliberately strung it out by playing with my nipples first. In all honesty I was scared to death, also I knew it was going to hurt too.

“Don’t tease me babe, fuck that gorgeous ass with your fingers. I want to see them deep inside your body, knowing that afterwards it will be me inside you and fucking you hard.”

I slowly inserted a finger into my tight ass, straight away my brain was flooded with old memories. I could do this if I blocked out all the bad times, this was Fox and I wanted him to make love to me.

I subconsciously worked another finger deep inside my ass, I felt so turned on right now, my cock hurt with the need to come.

“Work another one inside Alex and then I’ll fuck you.”

“Fox, I need you now, I want you to make love to me Lover.”

“Soon babe, come on you can do this for me…”

I worked another finger inside and started using a scissor motion to stretch myself for Fox, I started breathing heavy and new it was now or never.

In the distance I could also hear Fox breathing heavy with lust, I had to be stronger than them all and do this for us both. I rolled over and positioned myself on all fours, I then stuck my ass in the air as an offering to my lover.

“Take me, I’m all yours Fox…”

“Hey you don’t need to tell me twice babe!”

I felt the bed dip as Fox joined me, he then ran his fingers down my spine and along my ass.

“Please don’t tease me Fox…”

“Okay babe.”

I felt as Fox positioned himself behind me, I then also felt his hard cock press against my ass. Everything was fine until I felt the tip enter me, I realized that I couldn’t do this after all and had to get away from here.

“Please Fox I can’t do it, oh god I’m so sorry.”

Fox wasn’t even stopping, it was like he hadn’t even heard a word I said. Within seconds he rammed himself deep inside me causing me to scream, this wasn’t him making love to me, it was like he was wild and out of control as he brutally fucked me.

I could hear Fox saying something but couldn’t understand him, then I felt like I’d totally lost it as he pinned down my arms restraining me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Something had changed in my alcohol fogged brain, it had registered that the man wasn’t screaming out with lust. Alex was screaming and waving his arms around, I was forced to grab then so he never hurt either of us.

“Alex stop screaming, come on babe calm down it’ll be okay.”

“You fuckin bastard, let go of me and don’t touch me again…”

I let go of his hands and pulled away from him, within seconds he scooted up the bed and sat huddled there.

“Hey come on calm down, Alex talk to me and tell me what’s wrong?”

“I hate you Uncle Dimitri…”

“Oh fuck, Alex it’s Fox and you’re safe here with me.”

This had been the closest Alex had ever let me get to making love, yet now he believed that I was his uncle who’d raped and abused him.

“Alex…”

I held out my hands towards him, yet all he did was try to move even further away from me.

“I don’t know what to say or do babe, please tell me how I can help you Alex?”

“Let me go Fox, shit I’ll never be able to give you what you want.”

“I want you Alex, I just want you to forget the past and be happy.”

“I can’t Fox, hell I’m not strong enough to do any of this!”

“And if I let you go then what? Where would you even go Alex?”

“I don’t know, shit I don’t know anything anymore Fox…”

“Hell, you can’t even answer the door to the delivery boy. Yet you expect me to just let you walk out and be alone, well I’m sorry but I can’t let you go Alex.”

I knew that his past would destroy him if he was alone, hell even with me here he was finding it hard. All I wanted to do was hold the troubled man, yet part of me was afraid to even touch him.

“Fox will you just try and hold me?”

“God of course I’ll hold you Babe, I love you so much Alex.”

I moved back on the bed and reached for him, after a few minutes Alex moved into my open arms.

“We can do this babe, I’ll always be here for you Alex and I’m sorry for what I said earlier on.”

“Nothing changes Fox, to be honest I don’t think it ever will either.”

“Please don’t think like that babe, hey it’s nearly the weekend and we can do something together.”

“Yeah we’ll see, come on Fox you’d better get some sleep.”

I knew Alex was right, five more hours and I’d have to be back up for work. I remained awake until I knew Alex was asleep, it was only then that I felt okay going to sleep myself.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke the next morning early as the alarm went off, I heard Fox groan and knew he’d had very little sleep because of me.

“I’m sorry Fox!”

“Sorry for what?”

“The fact you hardly got any sleep last night because of me, just to top it off you have to go to work.”

“Hey I’ll be fine so stop worrying, I survived on far less sleep than that before.”

“Yeah but you shouldn’t have to Fox.”

“Alex I love you, I’m just sorry that last night went the way it did.”

“Yeah I know I’m nothing but a total fuck up.”

Fox lent over and kissed me on the lips, he then kissed my nose too.

“Alex try and forget about it, I was drunk and as much to blame as you.”

“No Fox, please don’t blame yourself for this…”

“Alex I have to get ready for work, I promise that we’ll talk later babe.”

“Fox we just keep going around in circles.”

“Hey are you sure you’ll be okay alone, I worry about you so much at times.”

“I’ll be okay Fox, maybe I’ll just get some more sleep.”

“Yeah you do that babe.”

Fox kissed me and went to get ready for work, he even checked on me once more before he left. I felt guilty for ruining his life, the man deserved far more than I could ever give him.

Fox had a point though, If I left I wouldn’t even have anywhere to go. Well nowhere that I’d feel safe or wanted, I’d never escape my fucked-up life or Spender.

Sometimes if you love someone or something so much, shit you have to be strong and let them be free. I truly believe that was the case with Fox, as long as I were alive the man would never be free.

All I had to do was have the guts to end it all, I’d free Fox and also be free of Spender and my past. I dragged my sorry ass out of the warm bed, once up I headed towards the bathroom.

I had a quick shower and went to make myself a coffee, a quick look in the cupboard also revealed what I’d need. I placed the open bottle of vodka on the table, I also added all the various pills I’d managed to find too.

I didn’t have the guts to do it straight away, I must have sat there a few hours first with my stone-cold mug of coffee. I sat there holding a picture of myself and Fox, I had to remember this was for him too so he’d be free to love again.

In the end I took all the pills, I even finished off the rest of the vodka too. Once done I kissed the photo of Fox and waited, I loved him enough to set him free and have a life.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was having one of the strangest days possible at work, it turned out that we had a body in the morgue that was invisible. I knew everyone would just think Spooky Mulder had finally gone and lost it, however this time I had Scully as my witness.

 I know it sounded really awful, yet in all the excitement I’d forgot all about Alex and my problems at home. It wasn’t until sometime later I decided to give him a quick call, I was hoping that he felt a lot better than he had last night.

After four attempts I’d still received no answer, hell it wasn’t like I could just drop the case either. Things became worse as it was when the invisible man disappeared, well his body was no longer there.

A bit of hard work and we traced it back to where the man had lived, yet when I thought things couldn’t get any stranger they did. From what I could make out it was a genie; the boys had gone and found the genuine article.

At the end of the day I couldn’t wait to get home and tell Alex, ha that was if Alex would even believe the day I’d just had. I let myself into my apartment and all was quiet, normally Alex would be reading or watching the television. It was as I entered the kitchen that I found him, it was also at that moment that my world fell apart.

“Shit Alex what the hell have you done…”

I tried the best I could to wake him, however it was then that I noticed the empty vodka bottle and pill packages. I slapped him across the face but he was totally out of it, I knew I’d have to act fast and dialled nine one one.

“I need an ambulance at forty-two Hegal place Alexandria, possible overdose.”

“I’ve dispatched an ambulance Sir and it’s on the way, can I please take your name and relationship to the casualty?”

“I’m Special Agent Fox Mulder, the man’s Alex Krycek and he’s my partner.”

“Is that your work partner Sir?”

“No he’s my lover, why is that a problem?”

“No of course not Sir, I’ll relay the information to the hospital so it will speed up his admittance.”

“Thanks.”

“I will let you go now as the ambulance should be there in a minute or so, I’ll also tell them that you’re a relative so they’ll let you in.”

“I really appreciate that.”

“I held my arms tight around my lover and waited, it felt like a lifetime before the ambulance arrived.

“Please don’t die on me Alex, shit I can’t live without you…”

Soon there were people taking Alex away from me, he was then carried out into the waiting ambulance. All I could do was sit here and watch as the paramedics worked on him all the way to the hospital.

XXXXXXXXXX

Sometime later I woke to find myself in a semi dark room, maybe this was my own personal hell that I now found myself in. I’d have to be patient and wait for my eyes to adjust, it was only then that I realized it was a fuckin hospital.

So, it would appear that I was still in the land of the living, so much for the easy way out and giving Fox his freedom. It was also then that I noticed Fox sat in the chair beside my bed, to be honest I was so grateful that he was asleep for now.

I knew that he would demand answers from me, not that any of my answers would be good enough to explain an attempted suicide. I felt really weak and struggled to sit up, my head swam but I still forced myself to move and get out of the bed.

All I wanted was to be close to Fox, I knew once he woke he’d hate me for what I’ve done to him. I knelt down in front of him and looked up at his gorgeous face, he just looked so at peace with everything while he slept.

I couldn’t help myself as I placed my head on his lap, soon my eyes became heavy once more and I fell asleep where I sat. I woke later as I felt Fox stroking my hair and I was afraid to look up, it was his soft broken voice that tore my heart apart.

“Why Alex?”

Two simple words were all that he spoke, yet for some reason I couldn’t find my voice or even give him an answer. He pushed me gently up from his knee and I had no choice but to look at him, when I did all I saw was pain and heartbreak.

“Alex come on you need to get back in bed, the floors way too cold and uncomfortable.”

Fox managed to get me back into the warm bed and covered, he then bent forward and hugged me tight against the body that I loved so much.

“Alex please tell me why you did it, was it something that I said or did last night?”

“No Fox, it was just easier that way.”

“I don’t understand Alex, easier for who?”

“I saw it as a way of freeing us both Fox.”

“From what?”

“I wanted to be free from my past, and free you from me, I love you enough to realize I should set you free Fox.”

“Is that what you believed Alex, I’d suddenly be free and happy once you were gone?”

“It would have got easier with time Fox.”

“I love you Alex and don’t want to ever let go, I can understand what the phase means. Hell, I just don’t believe it though, how can you just let someone go if you love them…”

“I’m sorry Fox.”

“All that matters is that you’re okay now and still here.”

Well so much for my great plan, I guess I should be thankful that Fox didn’t hate me for what I’d done.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that Alex was struggling with everything right now, maybe a day or so in here might clear his head and sort him out somewhat.

“How long do they plan on keeping you here Alex?”

“They won’t let me go until I’ve seen a shrink and had counselling, it’s not the first time Fox.”

Shit I suddenly realized this was way deeper than I’d first thought, I knew that I wanted them to keep here for however long it took to help him.

“Alex promise me that you’ll stay and listen to them, I can’t live without you babe!”

“I promise Fox, look just go back to work and stop worrying about me.”

“Can we make a deal then Alex?”

“What deal?”

“I finish working on the case I’m on, then afterwards I’m taking a month of work to be with you.”

“Why when you’ll be as bored as hell?”

“I want us to go away together, just the two of us where no one knows our past.”

“That sounds good Fox.”

“I’ll arrange it later today babe.”

“Yeah okay, you’d better get going then Lover.”

“Just don’t ever forget how much I love you Alex…”

I kissed Alex and lingered as I was scared to leave him, finally I bit the bullet and returned back at work. The case with the genie was proving interesting and held my attention, however she now claimed that I had three wishes of my own.

I was a bit unsure and just thought what the hell, I had nothing at all to lose by making them. I racked my brain trying to think of three wishes I’d want, finally I’d settled on what I knew I had to do.

“I wish that Alex’s parents were still alive, that way he’d have never met his uncle or Spender. “

I stood there and watched as the genie thought it through, it was only then that she answered me.

“I take it that you’re aware it will change everything, chances are you will no longer no each other and won’t be lovers?”

“I’m aware of that, Alex taught me a very valuable lesson today and now I understand. If you love someone enough you’ll let them go, I’m doing this because I love him enough to set him free.”

“Very well, so what about your second wish?”

“I wish for my first wish not to take effect until midnight, I want one last chance to say goodbye to the man I love.”

“Okay I can do that, at midnight I will grant your first wish. What about your final wish?”

“Hold on, I’m still thinking about the third one.”

“Very well, it’s not like I have anything better to do.”

“No it’s okay, I’ve got it and know what I want.”

“Go ahead then.”

“As of midnight, you grant my first two wishes, then my third wish is for you to be free too.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“You free Alex and make him happy, then I’ll be happy so you deserve to be too.”

I finally finished work and returned to the hospital, I wasn’t even sure the wishes would work or were real. In the end I sat in the car park for a couple of hours, I knew I had to get my head together for Alex’s sake.

It was now eight o’clock, only four hours until I’d be alone once more. If the genie was right I’d never even remember Alex or the time we were together, the only good thing was I wouldn’t have to suffer the pain of losing him.

All I had to do was get through the next four hours, keep myself together without calling of the whole damn thing. Finally, I got out of my car and made my way to where Alex was, I had to see him before he got worried and discharged himself.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d totally given up on Fox coming back today, in the end I decided to just go back to sleep. My head still hurt really bad along with my back, my whole body ached in one way or another. I don’t think it helped that I fell asleep lent over Fox and fell asleep, then before that I’d passed out at the kitchen table for hours.

I woke sometime later as I heard Fox enter the room, yet nothing prepared me for the look he had upon his gorgeous face. Fox looked like he’d literally fallen asleep in his suit, he also looked like he’d just woke up after hardly any sleep.

I decided to remain quiet as he walked over towards the bed, I just presumed he’d come and sit back in the chair beside my bed. Instead he just stood there, in all the time I’d known him I’d never seen him look so lost. Okay maybe after he found me at the lab or in the kitchen after the overdose, however I wasn’t aware that I’d done anything since he was last here.

“Fox are you okay…”

“Yeah, I just realized how much I really love you Alex, also I realized you were right earlier on!”

“You’ve lost me Fox, hey have you been crying too?”

“I’m fine Alex, can I just lay beside you and hold you for a while…”

“Of course you can lover, I was just worried that you no longer wanted me…”

I made room on the bed so Fox could lay beside me, it was only then that I noticed he was crying.

“Fox…”

“I’m fine Alex so don’t worry about me, I think I’m just a bit overemotional right now. I’d do anything to change the past you’ve suffered, you never deserved to suffer the way you did from such an early age.”

“It’s the past Fox, I guess I’m going to have to try harder to let go.”

“Easier said than done babe, especially as this is the result when you can’t cope.”

“Hey I’ve got you Fox, I’m really trying to get over it and give you what you want!”

“Alex all I want is to see you happy.”

Fox held me tight in his arms and now I felt lost, I didn’t know what to do or say to make everything alright between us. All I could do was hold him tight in return, I’d even swear that he was still silently crying too.

Fox never spoke again for at least a couple of hours, yet when he next spoke it was as if I wouldn’t see him again.

“I’ll always love you Alex, please remember that despite everything you gave my life meaning. My life without you was a lonely one, I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone babe.”

“I love you too, I always have.”

Finally I was starting to feel really sleepy, I knew that the sedative was finally starting to take effect. My body and mind gave in, it was then that I fell asleep in the arms of the only man I’d ever wanted.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke up early and had a good stretch, it would be just another day in the office as usual because I had reports to finish. I walked into my basement office and noticed my desk straight away, apparently there was stuff to be filed along with the reports.

I hated having days like this as I preferred to be outdoors, no wonder I was single with the life I led.

“Scully can’t all of this wait?”

“Mulder you said that last week, oh and the week before that too!”

“Yeah I get the point…”

“Look Mulder now Spender’s dead a lot has changed, firstly that file on Luis Cardinal.”

“You really don’t get it do you Scully?”

“What don’t I get?”

“Nothing will change, someone will always be out there to replace that black lunged bastard. It’s the way the world works, I guess that’s what makes it the world it is.”

“Someone got out of bed the wrong side, you seem rather grumpy today Mulder.”

“Scully I’m just stating a fact; also, why would I want to be reminded of Cardinal and what he did to me?”

“Look I know he wasn’t your partner for long, but you weren’t the only one to be taken in by him.”

“True, well at least I still have you Scully to keep me sane.”

“Ha you’re a lost cause Mulder, you’ll always be the way you are and I wouldn’t change that.”

“Is that a compliment I hear Scully?”

“Yes Mulder, just don’t let it go to your head.”

“Hey I love you too.”

“Fine prove it then…”

“What do you mean?”

“If you love me as your partner…”

“Yeah.”

“Go to the canteen and grab yourself a coffee, give me some space to sort myself out.”

“Hey that’s not nice, I haven’t been that hard to work with, have I?”

“Yes Mulder you have, you’ve been like a bear with a sore head!”

“Fine I can take a hint Scully, I’ll go and get that coffee then.”

I made my way towards the canteen, normally I would just grab a coffee and take it back to my office. Today I decided to grab a table and stay here for a while, that way Scully couldn’t keep moaning at me.

Most of the agents thought I were crazy, they all had a habit of talking behind my back and avoiding me. Not that it mattered to me, in the end I found a small table that was empty and sat there.

Personally, I didn’t like it in the canteen anyway, it always appeared to be so noisy and busy in here. Life in the basement was heaven compared to this, I was then brought out of my daydream as someone spoke to me. I looked up to see the most gorgeous green eyes, I’d not even heard what the man had said to me.

“Sorry…”

“I asked if that seat was taken.”

“No feel free to sit down, you might get a bad reputation sitting with me though!”

“Why would that be?”

“I’m Fox Mulder and I work on the x files.”

“Nice to meet you Mulder, by the way I’m Alex Krycek. I have to admit that I already know who you are, I actually find the work you do interesting.”

“You do…”

“Yeah I do, I’ve attended a couple of lectures you gave in the past.”

This day was turning out to be really strange, maybe things were starting to look up for me after all.

XXXXXXXXXX

I loved my job as a G man, this though was different and meant so much more. I’d followed the work of Fox Mulder, but I’d never expected that one day I’d be sat here talking to the man in person.

Okay in all honesty I fancied the man something rotten, not that I had a clue what his sexual preferences in life were. I didn’t want to frighten him off, I knew some men found it hard to be around a man that’s gay.

I would be happy just to have a friendship with him, we’d been talking for over an hour now and appeared to have a lot in common.

“Well Alex it was nice meeting you, however I should really think about doing some work today!”

“Yeah I guess that I should too.”

I really didn’t want to say goodbye to him, I bet he just saw me as another agent and nothing more. I wanted to see him again if it was possible, now I’d met him in person I fancied the man even more.

“I’m sorry if I offended you…”

I looked up to see Mulder staring at me, shit I’d been miles away and had no idea what he was apologizing to me for.

“Sorry what was it you just said, I think my mind had wandered off for some reason.”

“I asked if you’d like to meet up later, a few drinks maybe as colleagues and possibly friends?”

“Yeah I’d like that, especially the friend part as I don’t really know many people here.”

I really couldn’t believe that the man wanted to be my friend, I’d always been told how paranoid he was and that he trusted no one.

“So where do you want to meet Mulder, maybe a bar of something?”

“How about you come over to my place, that way we can talk and get to know each other better…”

“Yeah that sounds good.”

I watched as Mulder wrote something down, he then handed me the piece of paper and left. I looked down at the napkin I now held, apparently it was his address and a time that he wanted me to be there.

So, at eight pm I’d be off to spend a few hours with Fox Mulder himself, maybe we could be good friends as I really could do with some about now. I returned to the bull pen and got on with my work, all I wanted was for the day to end so I could go home and change.

I was behaving like a teenager on his first date, I couldn’t decide what to wear after trying on various things. I’d be okay if I just tried to calm down, at the end of the day Mulder was nothing more than a friend at the moment.

In the end I decided on the casual look, my tight black jeans and my favourite black leather jacket. I wanted Mulder to see me as a man, not just another agent.

XXXXXXXXXX

I arrived home by five, Scully thought I must be either ill or just had enough of her. Apparently, it was so out of character for me, in the end I couldn’t help myself and told her I had a date. I knew that it was only friendship, but to me it meant a lot as I didn’t have many.

Eight o’clock arrived and I was as nervous as hell, I was that on edge and had even managed to do some cleaning to keep myself occupied. I knocked back a full glass of vodka and just waited, fifteen minutes later and still no Alex.

Maybe he was just winding me up right from the start, why the hell would someone want to hang out with me. Another ten minutes passed with me just pacing the floor, it was then that I heard the knock on my door.

I opened it to see Alex stood there, I had to admit that I was totally floored by the man’s good looks. Shit he looked really sexy in leather and the tight jeans, now my mind started wondering what he’d look like naked.

“Hey Mulder are you okay?”

“Yeah sorry, come in and take a seat.”

Fuck the man had the most amazing ass, I knew that I’d have to get my head out of the gutter or I’d be in big trouble. After a few drinks I started to relax around him, we talked a lot and I really liked his company.

Alex was an extremely bright and intelligent man, his parents had brought him here as a child from Russia, they’d wanted their only son to have a decent education, apparently Alex had always wanted to be a G man too.

The man had everything, intelligence and looks too. I guess that’s what was worrying me now, I knew that this night would have to end very soon. I couldn’t let him leave without knowing about his sex life, if he liked men or was already in a relationship.

“Do you need to get going soon, I just meant is there a girlfriend or wife waiting for you at home?”

“I live alone Mulder, a small apartment as it’s all I can afford right now.”

“I take it you haven’t met the perfect women then? I’m sure she’ll come along soon enough, most likely when you’re least expecting it.”

“Mulder… I’m… oh never mind.”

“Alex talk to me, I really like you and want this friendship to work. I don’t want us to be afraid of what the other thinks, you should know that I’m open to pretty much anything.”

“So, I can be totally honest with you then, you won’t judge me?”

“Alex you can tell me anything at all.”

“I’ll understand if you change your views regarding me, just tell me if you want me to leave afterwards.”

“Alex I’m sure that it can’t be that bad…”

“Great here goes… Mulder I’m gay!”

“Okay then…”

“Hell is that all you have to say Mulder?”

“Alex your sexual preferences don’t bother me at all.”

“Okay, would it bother you if I said I fancy you and want you as more than a friend.”

“Oh fuck…”

“Look I’ll leave, I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.”

I couldn’t believe that he wanted to leave, especially after just revealing that bit of information. Fuck it was like my wildest dream come true, I just had to let him know before he left.

“Alex please don’t leave.”

“But I thought…”

“My reaction was only because I wasn’t expecting it, please Alex I really want you to stay.”

“Mulder are you sure it’s what you really want, I’ve fantasised about you for a very long time when I used to watch you.”

“In what way?”

“I was in the lecture hall and you’d be knelt in front of me, you’d be there giving me the best blow job of my life.”

I slid to my knees in front of Alex, I then reached out and unfastened his jeans.

“I can make your fantasy become a reality if you want, unless you think I’m been too forward…”

“Oh god no, please don’t stop now Fox…”

“Alex I’m not that easy to get rid of, if you start a relationship with me it’ll be serious and long term.”

“I’ve always dreamt of you as my lover, god it’s a dream come true.”

I let the mention of my first name slip, I actually liked the thought of only him calling me that. That night we made love twice, we’d only just met but it felt like we were meant to be together.

Alex was mine and I were his, we both felt like this was destiny and we’d be together always.

The End

I Love You Enough to Set You Free

By CarolelaineD

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                          

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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